Time is my Enemy

Luke 11:1-4 and Matthew 6:9-13

1.     What core issues does Jesus address as he teaches his followers to pray?

God is our Father and is to be praised. We should pray that it would be on earth the way it is in Heaven. The way God wants it and not the way we would have it. We can pray for our strength and sustenance for today. We should repent by confessing our sins. We can pray that we are kept from harm and temptation.

Which of these areas do you tend to focus on the most when you pray?

I do really well in acknowledging God as my Father and including praise terminology. I sometimes confess a sin that is heavy on my heart. I usually jump right into to “help me”.

Which do you need to focus on more?

I should do a better job of keeping a short list of my sins and confessing them often and asking for forgiveness. It would be in my best interest to focus on asking for help from temptation. I should probably address my daily needs more and focus less on my future wants. Definitely should look for God’s will in my prayers.

2.    What situations and life-experiences most naturally move you to pray?

It would be more appropriate to say that I’m “forced” to pray on Sunday mornings with the children. I guessing I naturally pray when I’m startled into fear. Yes, when I’m frightened, I pray more. When I’ve been hurt, and I react with anger I tend to fall to my knees and beg God for reasoning.

How can you use these God-given moments to propel you into more frequent and passionate prayer?

Well, I can schedule prayer time. That seems to be the obvious solution. When I must pray, I will. And I still need to find those 5 minutes to set aside so I can start. When I run and am startled by a deer or a car or a person who is not normally a part of my ritual, I pray, so it would make more sense to say a prayer before I run anticipating those situations that frighten me. I cannot prevent being hurt by someone, but I can pray that I am stronger. Before a situation when I tend to get hurt, I can say a prayer that I will be stronger in receiving the information that might hurt me. I can also pray that I can choose not to enter those situations where I tend to get hurt – that I can discern that which will be good for me and that which will not.

What situations and life-experiences tend to keep you from praying?

Busyness. A hurried schedule. A timeline. Being tired. Being forgetful. No alone time. Distractions. A lack of desire. Requests for prayer when I’m already over scheduled. That’s awful. I never thought of it that way. I don’t have time to pray as it is, but someone asks for prayer and it’s a burden. And someone who is always asking for prayer. Well, it gets annoying. As if God only has so much time for prayer and that person is using it all up. What silliness I harbor in my brain. It’s my own fault if my prayers are heard because I’m not praying!

What can you do to make these moments an opportunity to seek God in prayer?

I can go back to the last spiritual discipline and train in slowness. I know that I’m more aware of it now, but am still rushed. I can find that 5 minutes at all costs. I can be more humble in saying prayers for others. It is a gift that is given that someone would request for me to speak with God on their behalf. I can treat that prayer with more respect for what it is. A conversation with God and not just a “how are you?” “fine” exchange. I can challenge myself to say a prayer on my own behalf every time I say one on behalf of another. AND I can ask a prayer request of my own from the other person.

3.    What are some of the values of setting a specific time and place for prayer?

Specifically, for our hurry-diseased culture, it is necessary to add prayer to our to-do list at least until it becomes a habit like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. We have a specific time and place for these activities and they are necessary for our health. It is the same with prayer. Prayer is necessary for our health and there is a good and bad time to do it. You wouldn’t brush your teeth before dinner. Why would you pray before you went to bed when you are your most tired? You probably wouldn’t take a shower with an audience by choice. Why would you pick a place to pray without privacy? Should I forgo blogging in order to pray? Wouldn’t that be the healthier thing to do? Isn’t my morning the best place to place prayer? It is the closest I get to holy and sacred and alone … And it is when I am my most faithful.

If you have a time and place you have set aside for prayer, tell how this has helped you in your prayer life.

Obviously, I don’t have that time or place yet. I’ve been asking God, not very consistently or very sincerely or with much fervor, to point out a time and place for me to pray for just 5 minutes. I’m thinking, whether God-led or not, that it needs to be morning. I cannot allow myself to multi-task it – pray while walking the dog. So maybe, the 5 minutes before I wake the girls up. Now just to get away from the dog and his whining …

My times are in your hand;
rescue me from the hand of my enemies and
from my persecutors!

Psalm 31:15 (ESV)

Heaven, interrupt me

1. If we turn to prayer as a final desperate measure, only after all our own efforts have been exhausted, what does this reveal about our view of the following:

a.     Prayer – That it is only for emergencies

b.    Ourselves – That we can handle it all up until the emergencies and only then do we need help

c.     God – That we don’t think God listens to the small potatoes or He doesn’t have time to deal with the little things.

2.    If you truly believed that your prayers make no difference and that "everything would happen exactly as it does" without you praying, how would this impact your prayer life?

I certainly wouldn’t be so stressed about not praying enough. Or perhaps there is a part of me that believes my prayers do not have an impact and that is WHY I don’t try (train?) harder. Ok, God, You definitely have Prayer Warriors here on earth. Many surround me. They are average everyday people, but when someone is in need of prayer, my response has been, I’ll gather up my prayer warriors. Not meaning that a bunch of us will take up the prayer, BUT that I will pass on the request to those that pray ever so well. I’m sorry for passing the buck. Please forgive me for not respecting that you have made me worthy and able to come to You in prayer. You have given me the gift of language, not just for interacting with others, but most especially for interacting with You.

3.    Describe a time you prayed and saw clear and definite results. How did this answered prayer spur you on to pray more passionately?

This time isn’t exactly what it is asking for, but it is the time that I felt most connected in prayer and I knew that I was “doing it right.”

My church put out a call for members to stop and take 5 minutes of prayer at a certain time of the day. If I recall, it was via a tweet. There was very little information. I think it was just asking for members to join staff in prayers. I remember thinking: That’s cool. I can do that. I set my phone alarm and right before the “exact time” because that is my way, I went to the basement bedroom and got comfortable in a kind of meditative position on my bed. And I just said: God I don’t know what this is for. Send your Holy Spirit to lead me to pray as needed. And then I knew that I was praying for the pastors and I knew that I was praying about a meeting and a contract. These things were all possibilities certainly, but not I was certain that that was the intent for the call to prayer. And I prayed like this for 5 minutes without regarding the clock. I felt so Spiritually-filled that I had to share. Sure enough, the pastors had been meeting with the seller of a property that the church wanted to buy. And I said, I wish that the church would continue to tweet those prayer opportunities. It was amazing to me. Of course, that never happened again.

I know, I should be doing it on my own. Certainly possible. I guess I’m just looking for someone to direct me appropriately. Guide me. Prompt me. Hold me accountable.

4.    Walter Wink writes, "History belongs to the intercessors … those who believe and pray the future into being." If Wink is right, what implications would this have on one of the following:

a.     Your personal commitment to pray – I need to add my prayers to the multitude or the lack thereof. If this is the future that the current prayer warriors are praying into existence, I cannot believe we are on the same side or that there are enough of us. What if most Christ-followers are like me and leaving it up to the masters? There aren’t enough of us. We must be more committed to changing our future direction.

b.    The power of a praying church – I don’t think my church would be in its current state of upheaval if we were a praying church. And I would go so far as to say there are probably prayer wars at work. The times we have tried to pray as a church have looked good in the planning, but the execution has been disappointing. And here I am criticizing, but I take just a much a part in the blame.

c.     What you teach your children about prayer, if you are a parent – Yes, what AM I teaching my children about prayer at all let alone as a powerful history maker/changer. I am a horrible mother.

Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.”

Luke 11:1 (ESV)

Interrupting Heaven

I think I have alluded to the fact before that prayer is not my thing. In fact, I had thought that prayer would be an excellent spiritual discipline to begin training in, until I found joy. I'm so much better at joy you see.

Part of it is that I really detest praying out loud in front of people. And I have been training myself out of that problem and have gotten much better at it. My solution was leading the children in prayer. Even better – echo prayers because they give you an opportunity to think ahead because you pray in chunks.

I'm also a perfectionist. Yes, really. Who would have guessed, right? I don't like stutters and filler sounds. And I love language. I like to change words and use lesser used words. Well, I just plain make it harder upon myself don’t I?

I loved when I had the opportunity to learn the ACTS prayer. Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication. But really, for me, I need the opportunity to write it out to make sure I don't forget. Or if you're taking prayer requests? Writing them down and putting them in the appropriate column and then filling in the columns that are empty. Usually Adoration and Confession. See? I make it a chore.

And I haven't even begun to talk about praying to myself in my head. Just me and God. I'm an utter failure. This book helps as it reinforces the fact that I'm not the only one to struggle. My mind wanders. I talk to everyone in my own head except God. In fact, one of my prayers is that God just pretends that He's the one I'm addressing.

Another favorite fall back is say, "Hey God, you know what I need better than I do. Can we just skip to you taking care of business for me?"

I'm just not very good at it. And it's not at the forefront of my mind. I try to never say, "I'll pray for you," 'cause I at least realize that that is unrealistic. When someone asks me to pray for them, I say yes out of habit. Kind of like people say I'm fine even if they are not really. It's almost like it is a standard greeting, blessing, reply or condolence. You're expected to say it. And who can hold you accountable, other than God that is.

So, I'm thrilled with the fact that this book is taking baby steps. Start with setting 5 minutes aside for prayer. And begin with a "simple prayer." Pray about what really concerns you. Pray about what is really on your mind. Don't attempt to pray for the things you think you are supposed to pray for. Don't try to be noble. Don't go for big and flamboyant and selfless. If your mind strays, go with what it strays to.

This makes it seem doable. Definitely.

First problem. Where are those 5 minutes going to come from. I notice right off that I even try to multitask my prayers. I'll pray WHILE I run. I'll pray WHILE I shower. I'll pray WHILE I drive. I'll pray WHILE I cook. This is not acceptable.

So maybe I should start by finding the place to pray. I certainly can't get up and leave for the Pine Forest, at least not for 5 minutes of prayer. I also cannot disturb the dog because he will disturb my 5 minutes. Usually, Cordy joins me in MY bed, so I'm thinking I could go to her room to pray. Sit on her bed and look out the window. She has a lovely view really of the backyard. I've gone in there before to read and it seems to work.

Check. Now time. Morning seems the best time. Should I get up earlier to do it before I run? I won't be awake yet. Hmmm not looking doable. Once I leave the second floor, there is no return.

Basement bedroom? I've gone there before for uninterrupted prayer. After my run, before my coffee, before I read? Sounds like I'm hurrying now … I don't want to fit too much in.

OK, after I take the girls to school … I have half an hour. But then I'm back to where. In the parking lot sounds icky. I'll have to find a place to stop along the way. The LSA grounds can be pretty, but lots of traffic in the a.m.

OK, let's leave it that it is still a work in progress. I will keep my eyes open for a time and place for 5 minutes. It really can't be that HARD. Can it?

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.

2 Kings 2:23-24 (NIV)

Original Pine Forest remembered

1.     What are some of the values and attitudes in our society that drive us to a hurried lifestyle?

We’re expected to do so many things. We’re supposed to get married and have a house and multiple cars and a recreational vehicle and vacations. We’re expected to have children and send them to fine schools and take them on dream vacations. We’re expected to put our kids in sports and dance and make sure they can play a musical instrument. Our jobs expect us to do more in less time with less pay and less budget. Our jobs expect to make a difference in the community outside of the office. And if we belong to a church we are expected to play a significant role there and volunteer and take on ministries and projects that otherwise wouldn’t get done. And of course we also must spend time with our family and have a hobby and take additional classes. We are expected to have it all and do it all. And if we aren’t off to somewhere important or talking to someone important on our cell phone, we must not be important.

What are some biblical truths we can hold on to that will counteract these values and attitudes?

Put God first. Others come next. We serve. The first shall become last. If you want to be first, you must be the last. Money is the root of all evil. Jesus was poor. It all can be taken away and eventually we will leave it all behind for eternity. Jesus yoke is light. People are more important than things – love one another.

What is it that is driving me to push so hard all the time?

I am afraid that it looks like a do so very little. I am afraid that if I don’t look busy, people will assume that I’m not. So many other people have full time jobs and second jobs and then take on more. I might not agree with any of that, but they certainly look important - like they are necessary. I’m scared that I’m not doing enough. And that someone else will hold a grudge that I have more time and should be able to lighten the burden by doing more.

What am I trying to accomplish?

Perhaps to have a place for me and my children. Yes, I said me first. I never felt like I belonged growing up. I was the black sheep or the outcast. No matter what I did, it was different in some way and therefore not cool. I don’t want that for my children. Perhaps it is too late. I can understand that all of the experiences I had, made me what I am today. That God wants me the way I am in order to serve the purpose. But surely my children do not need a repeat.

Who am I trying to impress?

I’m not sure. I don’t know that impress is the right word. I think I’m out to prove my worth. That I am worthy of time and attention. And it might be possible that I’m out to impress myself. Which would be impossible. I’m never content. Perfectionist. I can always find something wrong. I’m the hardest to please.

Does God really ask me to do all I am doing?

Of course not. I wish I could tell the difference between what He wants me to do and what I want to do with His stamp of approval on it. I’m supposing that it is not “things” and to-do lists that He wants me to tackle. He probably just wants me to do the very thing that I want so much. He wants me to show others that they are worthy of my time and attention.

1.     Identify a time in your life when you really slowed down and enjoyed each experience that came your way.

Hahahahahaha.

Really.

Let’s see. I remember when I was about 10 or 11. We lived in this house with a nice sized back yard. We had 2 pine trees (there are those crazy pine trees again) with branches so low, you could live under them or hide under them. We had a lovely sweet gum tree that was ideal for climbing. I still had an aluminum swing set that was too small for me to really swing the way I like to swing, but was great for climbing all over like a monkey. Across the street, a quiet street where there was rarely any traffic, we had an enormous field with tall grass that you could get lost in. And I was allowed to ride my bike down that quiet street to the neighborhood market for “a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, and a stick of butter.” I was in Heaven. My mom was busy with 1 or 2 babies and I could disappear for hours on end. That swing set was my gateway to the stars, the planets, Narnia.

Which reminds me, on my grandparent’s farm, there was a pasture lane. At the end of the lane was a pond. Along the way were any number of fruit bushes and trees that I was allowed to eat from. I could get lost forever on the farm. So many excellent hiding places. And a dog, Stormy, to keep an eye on you. Barns and tractors and a riding lawn mower. I miss that so. My girls would have loved it. They have no place like that.

What helped lead you to this time of slowing?

I was never led there. I think I might have been left there. The adults extricated themselves from me for more important tasks or talks. Like a children’s book. The parents must be killed off or waylaid or non-existent in order for the any action to take place.

2.    How do you feel during the times you are not working or producing something?

Lost. Like I have no purpose.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Looking for a Pine Forest

 Mark 1:32-39 and Luke 5:15-16

1.     From these two passages and other stories in the Gospels, what are some examples of how Jesus modeled an unhurried life?

Do you ever read a Bible passage and think that the person designing the questions made a mistake? They picked the wrong passage? My head feels like it’s about to explode and I’m feeling rather snarky so I apologize in advance, but I read the passage from Mark and what I come away with is – everyone came to Him to be healed. He healed a bunch of people. Who came to Him. He wouldn’t have had time to go to all of them individually, but because they came to Him, He could address many. Of course they came to Him. Who is going to come to me?

Guess who is here to put me back on track … Yes, you guessed it, God. God is always with us. He said bingo. I don’t have to go out looking. Wait for them to come to me. And they do. I know they do. They have a tendency to flock. And I don’t have to heal them physically. But I can give them love and that can grow a heart and even help to heal it. God, you are too good to me.

In the second passage, Jesus withdrew from the crowds. At the library, it is a scientifically proven fact that librarians need “off-the-desk” time. If we are required to sit at the desk all day, we become drained and we need an opportunity to rejuvenate. It is also hard to get some of the “paper” work done when one is constantly interrupted, in a good way mind you, to find a book. In the adult department, a librarian might spend 4 hours in their office and 4 hours on the desk. They take turns. And they relieve each other to take their 15 minute breaks. There are enough of them to do this. In the Children’s department there are not enough workers. There might only ever be 2 librarians except at shift change where we ran grab lunch or dinner. There is no off the desk time. And if one of us needs to be somewhere else for a period of time – away from the desk, but not in the office, that leaves one person to manage the job of 2 without opportunity to even grab 15 minutes. What’s funny, is that on those rare occasions when there are 3 or 4 of us, usually by accident, we hurry (hahaha) to make sure that someone else gets that off the desk time to get something done. We know what a gift it is. We need to withdraw. We don’t have the staffing to do it. We are exhausted. But it is what we are used to. It is how we live our lives outside the workplace so why would it be any different.

2.    Take a few moments and have your small-group members take this brief survey. Circle yes or no for each question.

a.     Do you live with a daily sense that there is not enough time to get done with everything you need to accomplish? YES

b.    Do you find yourself talking faster because there is so much to say? YES

c.     Do you nod a lot when a person is talking slowly in an effort to keep them moving along? MAYBE

d.    When people are talking too slowly, do you ever find yourself wanting to (or actually) finishing their sentences? YEP

e.     Do you ever drive faster than is safe (even sometimes when you are not in a hurry)? YES

f.      When you stop at a red light with two or more lanes with cars in them, do you ever try to anticipate which car looks faster so you can get behind that car and save a few seconds when the light turns green? YES

g.     Do you ever try to gauge which line at the grocery store will be the quickest and get in that line? YES And, if it turns out you picked the slower line, does it bother you? DEFINITELY

h.    Do you multiple-task and try to get more than one thing done at a time on a regular basis? ALL THE TIME

i.      Do you have a big pile of magazines, newspapers, and books that you hope to read "some day"? 33 BOOKS BY MY BED

j.      Do you live your life driven by schedules, organizers, and to-do lists? SCHEDULES, YES

k.    Do you find it difficult to say no when others ask you to do things that will add one more item to your schedule? APPARENTLY

Share how many times you circled yes to the questions above, and tell your group what you think this reveals about the place of hurry in your life.

I had all yeses and one maybe. I worship the god of hurry. My life runs according to the clock. I wonder if the majority of Americans would answer yes to most of them. I know there are people out there who have mastered the art of slow. There are people who do not care to run the rat race. There are also people out there who are so depressed, they choose to no longer try and keep up. Rather than run the race, they stay in bed. They don’t leave the house. I’d like to find a mentor who has found a way to make all of their time useful. So that they never feel a moment is wasted. Each moment has a purpose and some of them are rest and some of them are not.

3.    John says, "Love and hurry are fundamentally incompatible." How is hurry the enemy of love in one of these relationships?

a.     Your relationship with God – God doesn’t hurry. He doesn’t need to. He is infinite and all-powerful and all-knowing. I decided yesterday, to make this blog an open prayer to my Father. And in my hurry, I have already forgotten. I’ve forgotten what is important. I only remembered what I had scheduled. And I didn’t have time to start over. Sarcastic!

b.    Your relationship with your family members – I am so busy getting my stuff done and guaranteeing that they get their stuff done, that I’m not seeing them at all. Step one get dressed. Step two eat breakfast. Step three pack your bags. My girls try to talk to me about things that I don’t see as important. I continue to remind them of what they are supposed to be doing, talking right over them like a snowplow taking their snow away. I almost miss the snippets of important information. And the girls are so used to me talking through them, that they don’t even know what they’ve just said is vital information.

c.     Your relationship with other followers of Christ – I hardly know them. They hardly know me. We are just in transit from one place to another. We’re in each other’s way. We are either assisting each other in our ministries or we are sabotaging each other’s projects.

d.    Your relationship with those who don't yet know Jesus – Well, if you cannot take the time for those you are supposed to love, who are supposed to be important to you, where on earth are you going to find the time to introduce Jesus to anyone else?

But he would withdraw to desolate places and pray.

Luke 5:16 (ESV)

If Jesus lived in Decatur, he would go to the Pine Forest to pray.

New Idea

1.     If you were to take this exhortation with all seriousness, "to be spiritually healthy, you must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life," what is one thing you would need to change in your live so you could slow down?

I would have to choose not to do so much stuff. I would have to pick the things that have to be done. I would have to choose things that need to be done for my mental health. And get rid of all else. I have known of a few people who have sat down and made a list of everything they do and then whittled it down to a much smaller list. And the problem is … there are more things I would like to be doing. And I seriously wonder if the job is something that should be gotten rid of.

2.    John writes, "Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day. Hurry can destroy our souls. Hurry can keep us from living well." How have you experienced the destructive power of hurry in your life?

Obviously, I spend so much time hurrying that I’m missing some turn aside and see God opportunities. On October 23, I picked up my Devotional and realized that I had already read that date. I remembered that I no longer had to follow it. I had chosen a new course of action. I picked up my new Lutheran Study Bible with my name engraved on the cover and began to read. I believe I’ve read it two days in a week’s time. Not good. In fact, I’m no longer reading in the mornings. I’m hurrying up to write so that I have it out of the way for later. I don’t know whether this is good or not. I am no longer certain if this is a worthy endeavor. Then I’m hurrying to get this written so I can post. If I can get that done, I can go write something else that I’ve yet to get to. Maybe that other thing is more important. Maybe I should be spending this approximate half hour praying instead. I sure wish someone would sit down with me and ruthlessly attack this list of things I need/want to do …

3.    How can busyness cause us to settle for mediocrity in our faith rather than a deep experience of God's presence and power?

I’m having an easier time sitting here talking to YOU than I am talking to God. I think I was just given an answer … WOW! I needed that. I need to stop writing to YOU and start writing to GOD. If I cannot think it or say it to God, but I can write it … An open prayer …

God, what busyness can I eliminate to spend better quality time with you? Yesterday, I took the challenge of this book that you have seen fit to place in my hands at this time. I sat down to eat my lunch at home. I was joined by the cat that provided warmth and calm. I let myself read my book to its conclusion. I did not watch the clock. I was not anxious. I did not let my mind wonder to where I should be or what I should be doing. It was so peaceful. And I enjoyed 45 minutes of uninterrupted reading time. Thank you. Teach me to do it again this morning. Teach me to take the time to do nothing and not feel horrible about it. Be in everything I do and not just in my childish attempts to be with you, but in my everyday life whether its washing dishes or driving to work.

How have you experienced this reality in your life during times of intense busyness?

God, I’ve become so busy in your church that I’m missing You in the very place where we claim you to be. I’m no longer coming to visit you there. I need to start finding You in other places. Even now, I’m hurrying to finish this conversation with you so that I can begin my day. I’m so run by the clock. Everything I do is down to the hour and half hour and second. Time is made by man. Give me You instead. Show me what I can eliminate. Show me what can function without me – for the right reasons and not for selfish reasons. Help me take my life back for You. I know what I can do to please You. Be present. Provide me the opportunity and inspiration. Help me to lose myself in You in this way. Show me how. And take my clocks away. And if I’m meant to sit at this computer and write, let my computer work for me rather than against me. Amen.

For the record – my computer just froze. Am I not supposed to write? Was that just acknowledgement that I needed to stop and wake my girls up? We’ll see how today goes …

“And when you search for Me with all your heart, you will find Me,” declares the Lord. “I will let you find Me.”

Jeremiah 29:13-14

Hurry Sickness

You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.

Oh yes, I am familiar with this disease. I certainly have it. Just last week I was writing about hurrying from event to event, impatiently of course, either so I could enjoy it or get past it.

Chapter 5 is about slowing down. And I’m guilty of speeding things up.

I eat while standing up, multi-tasking no less. That’s when I am at home, faced with a multitude of tasks to get done before the forces return home.

I don’t always get it wrong. If a work a full 8-hour day, I take a full hour lunch. I walk as quickly as I can to my destination of choice and read. In fact, I eat as quickly as I can so that I can read two-handed. There is nothing better than finishing my meal and having 30 minutes left to leisurely read my book. (Wait a second! I inhale the meal I just spent all that money on?) And my favorite part is walking back to work as slowly as possible while continuing to read - reading all the way to my desk.

So obviously some occupations are worthy of time and others aren’t. I need to make sure to stop, sit and eat at home as well. And read! That is a worthy endeavor at least for a librarian.

In the book, there are suggestions for forcing yourself to slow down. Notes in the margin suggest that these suggestions are ridiculous. I take offense. I actually employ some of these tactics. Picking a line at the checkout and sticking with it even if it is moving terribly slowly. Practicing patience. Training for patience even. Driving in the slow lane and refusing to pass. I don’t know why I do it. I mean, is there a good reason? Am I refusing to hurry?

I leave for school to pick up the girls with plenty of extra time to spare. I like to get my special parking space. And I like to – you guessed it – read. Am I rushing to get there early? Or am I taking my time to have time? You tell me.

There are so many things to be done and so little time. How do I change that to “I have plenty of time to do the things that I want to be done?”

I keep talking about hiring an administrative assistant to organize my schedule so that I give attention to the things I love and enjoy and what to take time to do while ensuring that the things that must get done – laundry, dishes, homework – are not neglected. Someone who can look at my schedule and say, you can do this and this, but you’re going to have to choose between these two things because you cannot do both.

I have a sign to make. It is due by next Tuesday. It is going to take my artistic abilities. And I want to start and finish it at one sitting keeping in mind that parts of it will have to dry before continuing on.

I have a storybook to make that MUST be done by mid-December, but it would be useful to have it done soon for practice purposes. Can a make a prop to stand in until the finished product is ready? Does that mean I’m doing twice the work? Can the mock-up turn into the finished product? Or might it get ruined in the time being?

I have a start to make that is due at the same time as the storybook. I’m worried that I will forget it because it will take less time and attention.

I have a backdrop to paint. I have three days this month to work on it and get it done. I’m looking forward to it. I have the idea in my mind of what I’m working towards. I will be anxious until it is done. And I know it’s not time yet, but I’d be so much more relaxed if it was.

I forgot, I have to make windows out of cork board by next week. Ugh. Not really excited about it. And I’ll work on it on site. If it gets done it gets done. If it doesn’t, I’m fired.

I have a project I’m working on for a friend. There just isn’t time. I’m hoping she wasn’t in a hurry to get it because it is the Holiday Season and I’m thinking it should wait for the New Year …

Am I forgetting something? I’m sure I am. And that causes anxiety. Oh yeah! All those things that I want to do for ME. When do I fit those in? If I hurry through all the tasks, do I finally get to enjoy what gives me joy?

And I’m looking at my clock here and I see my time is up. It’s time to wake the girls and actually start my day. BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ! Off to hurry.

And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done,

and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done.

Genesis 2:2 (ESV)

(Um yeah, I think I actually work harder on the seventh day.)