What signs to take to heart?

John 10:1-4

1.      In light of this passage, respond to one of the questions below about the Shepherd and his sheep.

a.     What does this passage teach you about God as our shepherd?

He will always approach us directly. He will never sneak around us. He will make Himself known to us. He knows each of us in every individual detail. He can satisfy our needs. He will always lead us. He would never stand back and let us wander.

b.     What does it teach about us as his sheep?

We will recognize Him. We will follow Him. We will trust Him.

c.      Tell about how you hear the Good Shepherd’s voice and how you receive his leading in your life.

I for one have only heard a voice maybe once or twice, maybe three times. And as you can see, it is rather iffy. And I would say those times were very intense and stopped me in my tracks. Twice I acted immediately. Once I played with the idea and decided against it. And that might have been the goal.

Mainly, ideas are put in my head that are too good to be my own. And they linger and resonate and whirl about. My mind keeps returning to them. And there are always the goosebumps when I finally comprehend the meaning.

Certain people keep appearing over and over. And I wonder if it’s because I’m to address them or they’re to address me … And then we neither one do anything. Until this moment I acknowledged that I was failing the leading. Now I see that I might not be the only one at fault.

2.     What are some modern day “pillars” we can set up to help remind us to be attentive to God and ready to hear his Spirit speak?

Once, I wrote the word PRAY on the palm of my hand to remind me to be in prayer more often. I laughed when I read that the author wrote the word LISTEN on his hand to remind himself to listen for the Spirit. Maybe I should try that too. There is always post it notes on your vanity or rearview mirror. Perhaps a reminder on your phone. Your screensaver. Your background.

But I prefer that deaths not be wake-up calls.

“ …and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house…”
Genesis 28:22a (NIV)

Experiencing the Mundane

I woke up this morning and decided it was time to wear the long pants running. No not the pants that were running, but run with the long pants on. Now, I knew the drawer they were in and the approximate location of where in that drawer they should be. However, in the dark, trying to be quiet as a mouse, I was relatively sure I would come up empty handed. No, indeed they seemed to reach out to me. They were in hand in under a second. That wouldn’t have happened in daylight.

We have a Cuisinart Grind and Brew. It grinds your coffee beans and then sucks them into the filter. It kind of sounds like a rocket ship taking off. It is programmed to take off at 5am. I am usually in the other room putting my shoes on when it does its thing. But, I woke up with an atrocious crick in the neck and I decided to take some pain reliever … which sits next to the coffee pot. As I approached the site, my mind not truly functioning properly yet, I thought, “I haven’t heard it go off yet. I wonder why?” And at that moment – like I mentally started it – it blasted its rockets. I was anticipating it and so I did not jump through the ceiling or have a heart attack.

The Holy Spirit practices the Discipline of the Mundane.

1.     Describe a time, even if it was only a brief moment, when you experienced the ability to live on two levels at once.

I don’t quite have the moment. We were putting up Christmas decorations in the church on Monday. As I was working with my team, putting ribbons on wreaths, hanging them on the appropriate doors, explaining what all needed to be done and what had already been taken care of, my ears were open to all of the conversations around me. We had a lot of new helpers this year. They had never done it before and didn’t know “the drill”. But they were well aware of what the end product should look like. Periodically, I would hear a few words louder than others. Although they might not have realized it, the words were meant for me because I could address them. So I would step back from my group and take care of them.

Yesterday, I was in my daughter’s kindergarten class. I hadn’t planned on staying the rest of the afternoon, but she asked me to. I hate to intrude or disrupt, so I seated myself in an unobtrusive spot. But it became relatively apparent that there were many things I could do to help. So I was helping with one thing, but aware of possibilities all over. I never would consider myself the kind of person who can recognize that something needs to be done and then just do it. I’m more of a “I could if it’s all right” kind of girl.

These things weren’t grand. They were mundane, not to belittle them. They are still important. And they are levels I tend to ignore. But I didn’t.

2.    What are some of the things that can get in the way of this kind of ongoing awareness of God’s presence and closeness?

Well, in the two instances above there were many things that could have gotten in the way, the first being my tendency to not “take charge.” God tells me to do something or suggests it or points it out and I ignore it. I decide that my current activity or task or job is more important. Or you can decide that you are not the person for the opportunity the Lord presents to you. Someone else would be better or it is someone else’s job. You can also be too single-minded in what you are doing. You have tunnel vision. You are more concerned with your own goals than God’s goals.

What have you discovered that has helped you grow in your awareness of your life in God, even in the midst of your daily responsibilities?

I am more aware of what others need or want and I try to see myself as one of God’s many hands in helping to achieve that need or want. And I’ve been shown that something I might consider to be a little thing is a very important thing to someone else. I am helped lot by keeping God in my mind more often through this book or the Word. And leading the Sunday School in song and prayer and in studying the Word has stayed with me more than perhaps anything else.

Psalm 121

3.    Take a few minutes and write down what you think God sees and thinks when he looks at you while you are sleeping.

I think He sees a restless, lost soul who is struggling to find my part and missing what is right here and now and present and surrounding me. And He’s thinking that He longs for me to just give it up and give it to Him. He wants to give me rest. He wants to show me that I am not alone if I would only just wake up.

What can you learn about your perspective on the heart of God for his children?

He only wants good for us. He wants to keep evil from us. He wants us to be present in His time. He wants us to work with Him for His Kingdom. He wants us to let go of all our hang-ups. He wants us to trust Him. He has the answers. All of them.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?
And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.
But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.
Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:29-31 (ESV)

The Guided Life

It was sometime within the last year that I came to the realization that every good thought or deed I had was driven by God. Every bad thought or deed was driven by Satan. But I never put it into words as one coherent thought.

Some people will or can say, “God told me to tell you this.” And I am not the only one who takes this statement with more than an ounce of suspicion. I don’t know what form God tells them. A dream. A vision. It is not for me to know.

Other people can impart words of wisdom and upon hearing them, you get a sense that you have been blessed. More and more I can recognize these as God’s words to me through someone. It happened last night at work in fact.

I directed someone to the section of books where they would find their answer, but was unable to point to the book, chapter, and page that they needed. I left them to sift through the books while I returned to my computer to dig deeper.

I still had not found the answer … the patron returned with the right book in hand proclaiming that I was slow, he’d already found it! He was teasing of course, but I took it to heart – I felt that I had failed in my job. Immediately, he corrected my thinking. I had gotten them closer to their end point than they could have on their own. Sometimes you just have to put people in the proper position.

I replied that I wish he could in turn put me in the proper position. He, off the cuff, stated that sometimes it is the little things that are important. Blew my head right off I tell you. Sometimes it IS the little things. Everything cannot be grand. Jesus was found in a manger.

I do not like to be the person who says, “God told me this.” Yet sometimes I say or think things that I know are not from me. And I desire to inform the listener that it’s not me … is this to distance myself from something foreign? Is this to add weight to what I am saying because I am worried that it won’t get the attention otherwise? What are my motivations? If I cannot trust myself, how can I trust someone else who thinks they need to share a God thought?

OUCH! If it is from God and I am the one He uses to put it out there. I must trust that He will continue to move the information to the right people. IT’S NOT ABOUT ME. It’s not up to me to push it through.

I came to pondering this subject so much. I felt like I was being nudged, then pushed, then prodded, then hit with baseball bats. I would play with an idea for days, weeks, years. I would keep it close to my heart. I would not trust to share it. I would let it stagnate.

Until the idea was shoved to the forefront of my mind in uncomfortable places. I would shake, tremble, be covered with goosebumps. I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t sit still. I felt trapped until I could finally get it out. And the relief was momentous, like why didn’t I do that sooner? That’s what I mean about baseball bats. When I was finally rid of being the sole carrier of the thought, I could practically pass out from the adrenaline rush culminating in the shakes.

I would sit back later and say, “that was a God thing.”

Of course, after many instances of my ideas running into brick walls or being thrown back into my face, I would lean forward and say, “was that a God thing?” And I would go back to tearing myself up. And protecting these thoughts in my own realm of the mind.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my goals and God’s goals are not the same. Big, fat DUH! Yeah, I know.

I’ve also decided that yes, it was a God thing.

And I haven’t gotten it right yet and until I do, I can expect more of the same.

When you ask for patience, God puts you in places where you have to practice patience.

My greatest fear is rejection which equals a sense of unworthiness. And I seriously take it to the Nth level. I am worthy. God puts me in places where I can learn to deal with rejection, and react to it NOT with a sense of unworth.

That’s my story. I’m sticking to it.

I believe that Jesus Christ, true God, begotten of the Father from eternity, and also true man, born of the Virgin Mary, is my Lord,

Who has redeemed me, a lost and condemned person, purchased and won me from all sins, from death, and from the power of the devil; not with gold or silver, but with His holy, precious blood and with His innocent suffering and death,

that I may be His own and live under Him in His kingdom and serve Him in everlasting righteousness, innocence, and blessedness,

just as He is risen from the dead, lives and reigns to all eternity.

This is most certainly true.

Luther’s Small Catechism, The Creed, The Second Article – Redemption

Honestly? Glad to be done.

1.      Why is it so critical for us to seek the filling and leading of the Holy Spirit as we grow in our understanding of confession?

We cannot do anything without the Spirit's leading let alone confess appropriately. It is only through the Spirit that we have faith. We must depend upon the Spirit in all things. He knows what is good and right for us. He can place on our hearts those things that we could not recognize otherwise. And we are so far from confessional professionals these days, that we depend upon the Spirit to point out where would not even guess we have sinned.

2.     What possible extremes might we face if we confess on our own without the leading of the Holy Spirit?

As I mentioned before, there are a lot of things that we do everyday that we might not recognize as sin without the Spirit's guidance. Things that we have done for so long and so regularly that we do not understand why they could be sins. Only the Spirit can show them to us. That is one extreme. The extreme of ignorance.

The other extreme, in my opinion, would be the mental flagging we would give ourselves for those sins for which we cannot seem to get over or escape. Rather than beating ourselves up over these recurring sins, with the Spirit's leading, direction, He can help us overcome them in a way that would could not know ourselves. He can give us the tools that we might not recognize in order to help us. We would feel helpless otherwise. Helplessness leads to overwhelming hopelessness which is where we give in.

Psalm 51

3.     What do you learn about the heart of true confession from David's prayer?

It is all about God and what God can do. It has nothing to do with us. We cannot even wish to be righteous or try to be holy. We can only beg God to help us to want to be. David asks God to give him a contrite heart. We can train to make this our prayer as well.

4.     Restitution is the process of making things right with the person you have sinned against. If someone has stolen, they give back what they took. If someone has lied, they tell the truth … even if it hurts. Why is restitution essential for the confession and healing process to be complete?

It is an essential part of the confession process because it is the conclusion. What would be the point of reading a book if you always skipped the final chapter. There would be no resolution.

It is also the hardest part and I bet the part that most of us skip. It is painful. It makes us humble. It is our pride that prevents us from admitting our mistakes in the first place. And by not meeting this requirement of confession, we are missing out on the forgiveness of the one we hurt.

When we require ourselves to take this final step, it makes it all the harder to commit the same sin again. It makes us more accountable. We also must earn the trust of the one we wronged. We might also lose that trust forever and the trust of those around us. It forces us to trust the person we wronged to not only forgive us, but to love us anyway. I'm not that good.

Of course, if someone asked for my forgiveness, I'd probably say "no problem". I'm a door mat that way …

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
   a broken and contrite heart
   you, God, will not despise.
Psalm 51:17 (NIV)

Gentle Rain or Burning Fire

James 5:16

We need to confess our sins to God and we need to confess our sins to others. There are two options here and both are beneficial. We can confess our sins to a trusted friend who can help to hold us accountable. If you, if I am unwillingly to confess my sins to a friend, it is probably so that I don’t have to be held accountable. Here’s my nudge. I have multiple times felt the urge to tell a close friend, confess my sins to her. And I continue to withhold because I know she will hold me accountable. It will become her mission. Oh, and then of course, she will think less of me. Pride!

The other option, of course, is to confess your sin to the one you have wronged, hurt. Perhaps I’ll just make a goal of the former option. My heart is still too hard. I would “confess” for the wrong reasons. I can approve of myself at least in that respect. I’m not vengeful. Well, I think it, which is the same as doing it. Hate is no less than murder, you see. But I can pretend that I’m a little bit better because I have withheld my anger. Kept it in check. Pride!

Identify where you might need to confess sin in each of the following areas using the seven deadly sins as a guideline or tool to help you.

Here’s the rub … I’m not going to do this here. This is for personal reflection. I almost didn’t even include it. But I was trying to hold myself accountable by including it. But who am I kidding? I won’t do it on paper any more than I will do it online. Suffice it to say that I am guilty of all, some more than others. I even tried to find a way to get out of confessing Gluttony … but I just stuffed myself full to exploding with Mexican, twice in one week. Trying to fill a void that only God can fill.

Area of sin:                                      Confession:

Pride                                                             

Anger                                                                       

Lust                                                              

Envy                                                             

Greed                                                                       

Sloth                                                             

Gluttony                                                      

Take a moment and ask the Holy Spirit to examine your life. Where does the Holy Spirit want to put an X on your life today to show where there needs to be confession and repentant action?

More personal reflection in an effort to hold myself accountable. I am overwhelmed. And I will confess right here that I don’t want to invite the Holy Spirit to examine my life. I am scared of where he will put the X. But perhaps He will take baby steps with me. He surely knows there is only so much I can handle. I cannot handle the big stuff properly, if I cannot even handle the little stuff properly. Then again, it could be trial by fire  …

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant,
but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11 (ESV)

Heart of Stone

1.     John says, "At the heart of it, confession involves taking appropriate responsibility for what we have done." What are the consequences of confessing but refusing to take responsibility for the impact of our sinful choices?

We can confess our sins every Sunday morning, but if we do not take responsibility for them, we never change. Without responsibility, confession is more of a sweeping the dust under the bed so you cannot see the dust bunnies. Taking responsibility involves holding the dust bunnies, taking them apart, acknowledging what they are made up of, and ridding our hearts of the dirt.

How can taking responsibility help us turn away from sin and walk in deeper places of holiness?

When we are aware of what makes us tick, we can actually move towards change. We can ask Christ to fill those voids that we’ve found. We can humble ourselves and ask Christ to take over. Until we take responsibility, we are not even acknowledging that we have done wrong. We have to accept our part of the problem and move to change it in favor of holiness.

2.    When we see sin through our own eyes, it is easy to excuse ourselves and justify our sin. When we see sin through the eyes of those we have sinned against and hurt, our perspective begins to change. When we see through the lens of God's vision and heart, we get a whole new perspective. Why is it essential for us to learn to see our sin through the eyes of those we have sinned against and through the eyes of God?

In most cases, I think it is impossible to continue to sin when you view the sin through the eyes of those you’re sinning against. It takes a really hardened heart of stone to not be moved by the emotions that others would feel. Especially if you try to put yourself in their footsteps.

And if we cannot be moved by those we have sinned against because we have a tendency to see them as our enemy (arms raised). Yes, we view them as hurting us rather than the other way around whether it is true or not. Then it is vital that we view our sin through God’s eyes because He has done no wrong against us real or perceived. And He is so much harder to hate, because He is so good to us even though we cannot ever claim to deserve it.

3.    How can God use tears, mourning, and brokenness over our sins as a tool for his will to be done in our lives?

It’s the great crying out again.  He hears our voice and He longs to answer us. He wants our attention and He wants to heal our hurts. Back when we discussed prayer, we admitted that we do everything in our power before we go to God in prayer. And these tears, mourning and brokenness are our final hour. It’s when we can continue in the same manner no longer, but we do not know how to change. We’ve tried everything to no avail. And God steps in.

John talks about the "gift of tears." Have you ever experienced this and how did this gift make you more the person God wants you to be?

This really doesn’t apply here to confession so much … but I did ask for the “gift of tears” and it was given to me. I used to cry at the drop of a hat over any little thing. Never the big ticket items. I think I refused to cry over the big stuff because I didn’t want anyone to know how much I hurt, however, I was bullied for crying over the little things. I hated tears.

When I was older, I needed to be medicated in order to free myself from unnecessary anxiety and the medication took the tears away. At first I was joyful. I was finally living the way I thought normal people did. But I no longer had any emotions for anything. I couldn’t cry when it was appropriate.

Then I met someone who cried at the drop of a hat, sincerely, over things that should break one’s heart sufficiently to produce tears. I was amazed. Then I met another person who could sincerely cry along with you and even for you.

And I asked God to restore my tears. Now I cry all the time again. And perhaps inappropriately. But I don’t mind so much. Maybe I should pay better attention to what makes me cry so that I can get a better idea on what needs fixing …

4.    Describe a time when you hurt someone through a sinful choice, humbly confessed, and saw God bring healing and restoration. How did this experience act as a catalyst for future obedience and willingness to confess when you recognized you sins?

I completely lost my temper in front of the girls once. (many times!) And I saw how it affected them. Scared them. Made them cry. And I recognized myself as a child in them. Their sad faces cast down. And it broke my heart. They only want me to be happy and they think it is their job to accomplish this mission. And I quickly as God for strength and peace and forgiveness, and then I asked them to forgive me and apologized profusely and loved on them and reassured them that it wasn’t their fault. That it was my fault that I lacked self-control. They perked right up and returned the love on me. They might even have empathized a bit with me.

Now, I do this much more often. Apologize to my kids. Over and over, but I think I experience that kind of rage less and less in front of them. Now to get rid of it completely!

Immediately the father of the child cried out and said,
“I believe; help my unbelief!”
Mark 9:24 (ESV)

Do I want a contrite heart?

1.      We all have our own mauve sofa story of when we had a chance to confess, but chickened out. Tell about a time you stood on the edge of confession, but just couldn't do it.

You know, I can sit here and sit here and sit here. I can think and think and think. I've come up with times when I was on the edge and finally did it. I can remember times where I did something and never felt the nudge to confess. I am having a really difficult time coming up with a time when I was on the edge of confessing and just couldn't do it … Not to say that I haven't. I've just shoved it so far down perhaps? Excuses.

I must be in denial. Even when I get an urge to confess, I'll admit that it is more in order to hurt someone who has hurt me than to receive forgiveness. I do not have a contrite heart. I have a brazen one. How have I come so far. I should know better.

What is it that makes confession so hard and painful for us?

It's hard to admit that we are not right. In today's society we want to be right. We always have to be right. We're struggling to maintain our status on the lifeboat. We are so stubborn that we are unwilling to admit that we cannot always be right. We hate to even receive criticism.

Isn't this better said: It's hard to admit that I am not right. In today's society, I want to be right. I always have to be right. I am struggling to maintain my status on the lifeboat. I am too stubborn to be willing to admit that I cannot always be right. I hate to even receive criticism.

2.     What are some of the euphemisms for sin that we use in an effort to keep from calling sin exactly what it is?

We say "everybody does it." When the majority do it, it is open acceptance that it is okay to do. We call it procrastination. We call it Type A personality. We claim we have ADHD. We side with forgetfulness and old-age. We say we are busy. We say we cannot help ourselves. We call it addiction. We claim lack of self-control. We blame the media instead of ourselves.

Why is it so important that we learn to identify sin in ourselves and call it sin?

You can't stop doing it if you're not aware that you are doing it. And if you do not call it for what it is it can become acceptable to be doing it. If you dislike someone to the point of wishing that person ill, you are committing murder. We must call it what it is or else it doesn't seem like such a bad thing. It doesn't matter that you are not best friends, you are still called to love that person. It is sin otherwise.

3.     "When we practice confession well, two things happen. The first is that we are liberated from guilt. The second is that we will be at least a little less likely to sin in the same way in the future than if we had not confessed. Sin will look and feel less attractive." How have you experienced the liberating power of confession?

This will be a really bizarre example at least to me. I grew up reading fortune cookies and horoscopes and predictions. They are everywhere. In the newspaper and after your dessert at your favorite Chinese buffet. We don't even think about it. You can have your daily horoscope delivered daily through email or even Facebook. People love to announce their good fortune as well.

I mentioned the other day that I had gone through Spiritual Healing and I had to confess that I had participated in these activities. I'd never considered them as sin until I was confronted with the need to confess them. Now that I have confessed them, I find that I don't feel a need to look for them or find them or read them when they are before me. Not that I haven't read them since when they are presented before me, but I do not go in search of them. I do not wait on them. They are no longer a part of my day.

How have you seen confession reduce your desire to continue in a sinful practice in your life?

I just don't think I have a really good grip on confession in my life. Which means I don't have a really good grip on sin in m y life. I realized that I was focusing my anger on my children and I hated myself for it. After the fact, I would get the nudge. The wake up call. That I would push my children away from me if I continued in my hostility. So I started asking for forgiveness from my children afterwards. I need to move towards not doing it at all …

Welcome to my toughest chapter yet.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 51:10 (NIV)