Chapter 7 – Making Time – Part 3

Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58

 

Exercise 3: How Do I Refuse Thee? Let Me Count the Ways…

 

Think of some ways you can politely say no to other people’s requests for your time. Write at least three of them.

 

1.      I cannot give your project the attention that it requires or deserves at present.

2.     I am not currently taking on new projects. In fact, I am looking to choose a few that are important to me and whittle down the rest.

3.     Anyone who knows me knows that summer is the craziest time for children’s librarians. I count my years by Summer Reading and Vacation Bible School displays.

 

Of course, it rarely actually looks like that. Most likely I’ll just ignore you. And you’ll either be outrageously persistent or you’ll go away. I have a hard time saying no. Especially to things I really want to do. Until they prove not to be as exciting or rewarding as I anticipated.

 

I had a friend who made a list of all the things she was doing. And then she prioritized the crazy list. She picked the things that she loved the most and got rid of everything else. Guess what! I don’t remember the last time I saw her. Last summer? Maybe I’ll see her this summer in the library again. Did I see her so much before? Maybe not. I don’t really know.

 

Me? I’m afraid if I ask NOT to do something, then I won’t be asked to do anything. If I get rid of something, what if I cannot replace it? Why do I think it needs to be replaced anyway? I do things I don’t necessarily think I should be doing because for some reason I cannot do the things I desire to be doing.

 

Sometimes I’d just rather be doing SOMETHING rather than NOTHING at all. And then I do bow out of things that don’t seem to be paying off in the way I feel they should. And then there is gossip or rumor. It’s just as much about what you don’t do as what you DO do.

 

You look into the night sky and you see stars. Vast amounts of stars. But most of us neglect the spaces in between. The “dark matter” is every bit as important as the stars. It’s the fabric of space that knits us all together. Sometimes the empty spaces of a picture are more telling than the parts that are filled. Sometimes it is what you don’t say that is screaming. People notice where you ARE NOT more perhaps than where you ARE. Not that they will say anything (to you) about it.

 

I certainly pay attention to the details. And don’t always like what I see.

 

What if we invested more of our time and energy GOING to people rather than bringing them to us. We can reach more people by going to them than by requiring them to come to us. Rather than sitting in our offices planning events … why don’t we go out and reach individuals.

 

It occurred to me yesterday how very little I interact with people.  And how very much it is needed. I am very much plugged in. But I’ve got a faulty outlet because I am not connected. I am tired of listening to the same people. I’m bored. And disappointed.

 

I recall my stepfather telling my sister to finish her dinner plate or he would shove it down her throat. It is an old family joke. How long to we allow the fast food to be shoved down our throat?

 

And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5:5

 

This effort is starting to feel ridiculous ‘cause there is no Haggai 4:13 either.

Chapter 7 – Making Time – Part 2

Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58

Exercise 2: Time Capsule

Keep a record throughout the day of how you spend your time. You might set your watch to beep every hour on the hour. Whenever possible, stop and jot down what you are doing at the moment.

I got this, before I even start.

5:20 exercise

5:40 write

6:00 get ready for work

6:30 walk the dog

6:45 write

7:00 get the girls ready for school

7:15 breakfast

7:30 pack lunches

7:45 pack the car

8:00 drive to school

8:15 take girls inside

8:30 drive to work

8:45 practice piano or read book

9:00-1:00 work (today I’m making castles)

1:15 at home eating lunch

1:30-2:30 blog a book review or plant flowers

2:30-3:00 head back to school and read while I wait

3:30-4:15 occupy the girls then take to dance

4:15-5:00 read while girls dance

5:00-30 go to church and read until bell practice

5:30-6:30 bell practice

6:45 dinner I hope

7:30 get ready for bed and read to girls

8:00-8:30ish read by girls bedside

8:30-10:00 read, watch, relax.

10:00 go to bed and read

11:00 sleep?

Which hat do you wear most of the time: the breadwinner, the caregiver, the household manager, the employee, the boss, the friend, the counselor, the caretaker the spouse, the parent, or the artist?

If you look at my last several weeks, I guess I wear the hat of the artist. Summer is almost here and it will become the parent for sure. But since the girls are in school and I only work part time and the husband is doing the 5 10s … And no one who would look at my house would see a household manager … The close second would be the reader … but I’d also place that under artist. It’s my magazine. My research. My inspiration.

Is this use of you time working for you, or are you resenting some of the time you spend “doing” for others or doing things you don’t feel are really that important?

I am feeling resentful. There are some things I am doing that I don’t think are all that important, but I certainly couldn’t tell the person asking. I kind of feel that I have to do everything in order to get it done. If I don’t “take over”, it will end up being a last minute mess. I want some more respect for my time. It is willingly and generously given. Exceedingly so in my opinion. When someone gives you such a gift, you have to appreciate it and use it best. Certainly not squander it or put it off or shelve it.

How does it feel when you manage to salvage an hour or two a day for yourself and your art?

I’d rather put it, how does it feel when I manage to salvage a moment to read. It looks like a have a lot of time for reading. But I just keep a book with me at all times and whip it out when there is a train. I love Thursdays. I generally get an hour of uninterrupted reading that isn’t while simultaneously eating or trying to stay awake in bed. I would read a morning away if I could. When I let myself do it. It’s relaxing and stress relieving. My mind gets a momentary break.

Do you ever feel guilty? If so, why? Write about your feelings.

Of course I feel guilty. Guilty for reading as much as I do. It’s not like I’m paid to read. I have to do it on my own time. And, to an extent, it is expected. And my reading is borderline crazy.

And I feel guilty for my high expectations regarding my efforts for others. I’m sorry to be such a bother. I just don’t want to have the stress weighing on me, when it could be easily done. Right now. In MY time. I hate being the person saying I need this. I need that. Why isn’t this here. Who is prepping for me. Because in the end, it is not that big of a deal. And it would be okay without it. It’s just a little topping on the cake. And what others have come to expect.

And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5:5

Surprise, surprise. There is no Zephaniah 4:13

Chapter 7 – Making Time – Part 1

Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58

Exercise 1: Time Bandits

When you try to visualize yourself taking time to practice your art, what other activities and responsibilities take precedence over your artistic endeavors? List the top three “time bandits” in your life right now.

1.      Mess that must be cleaned up first.

2.     Too many interruptions. Time is chopped up into many increments.

3.     Too many other things that must be done first.

I cannot get to my piano. It is in a toy room. This is the room that I wish to turn into MY room. Just looking into that room sets me on edge. If I want to work with scissors and paper and yardsticks, the best bet is the dining table and it is always covered with paperwork. Or food. Don’t want to get my stuff dirty. Even at work, there is simply no available flat surface to work upon. So much stuff has to be moved and put aside and gotten out before I can even start. It’s easier to NOT start until it is absolutely necessary.

The interruptions are when I’m writing or practicing piano. What part of, “I’m busy,” don’t they get? I cannot write at home. It’s actually a different story when I am painting. I get lonely. I can multitask – carry on a conversation at the same time. Not that I don’t stop and give my full attention to the visitor when it is needed, but six hours of uninterrupted painting drives me wild. I need a break with people.

I guess I am the type of person who likes to start a job and finish it. I don’t like to have to quit when I am in the middle of something. If I get to a good stopping place and can tell that I don’t have enough time to complete the next segment. I don’t start it. Rarely, I get to a point where I just have to be done. And I stop. So I don’t like to work for 2 hours here and an hour there. I don’t relish 4 hours of work when I have a big project to complete. Especially when there will be work-related interruptions. 8 hours seems like an amount of time that can be put to good use without the stress of a deadline looming before me.

I cannot possibly imagine putting aside an entire day, or even 4 hours to write. Certainly not at home where there is laundry and dishes and flowers and messy rooms. But for some reason, I can pack up and work elsewhere non-stop where there are no distractions. And of course with a “client” that needs something tangible by a certain date. I must have a “job” and not a hobby. I don’t feel guilty going to church and painting all day. By the time I finish typing this, I will feel like I’ve spent enough time on “me time” and really must get to “work”.

Not that I will get anything done. I’m just not interested at all in domestic house work. I’m sorry. Unless I can just throw everything away and start over.

But now I have this lovely portable laptop. I am going to have to start porting! Try it and see if it is doable…

And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5:5

There is no Habakkuk 4:13

Chapter 6 – Breathing Out – Part 5

Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established.
Proverbs 16:3 NASB

Exercise 5: Just Doing It

·        Setting a specific time to do artistic work

·        Learning to protect creative time from outside demands

·        Claiming a space to do artist work

·        Banishing the critic

Which of these presents the biggest challenge for you?

Which one do you think you might have the most success overcoming?

Claiming the space. I’m doing it. This summer! Hold me to it!

Make “something” for 30 minutes.

He woke up thirsty. Parched. He might have had too much to drink. A lonely drunk is never fun. And the man with a hangover is worse in the morning. His head was throbbing. He could barely stand up straight. He ambled into the kitched. Stumbled to the cabinet for a glass. Make that a cup. He didn’t want to break anything. Shattered glass would make for a more miserable morning. He might end up in the ER again.  He leaned against the sink, placed the cup beneath the spout and turned on the water. Normally, he would have rinsed out the cup while the water ran cold. But he wasn’t awake enough. He was asleep at the tap when he heard a clunk and felt a splash. He jolted awake. The water was cloudy like an Alka Seltzer tablet had been dropped in. And the water was very blue. It certainly wasn’t muddy. He was close to dumping the strange fizzy concoction to try again when he swore he saw a face. A face smaller than his daughter’s Barbie doll, but more perfect. Taking a closer look, he set the cup onto the counter. And there it, no she, was. Staring right back at him. She had placed her arms over the rim to support herself. And she was studying him. His first thought was, “what if she can get out.” Later he would see the ridiculousness of that thought. But at the moment, it seemed imperative that he protect himself from this… this… this… Oh, his mind was so cloudy. He couldn’t think straight let alone logically. This was a creature right out of myth and legend. What was it called … Dryad, no, that was a tree. A nymph. He had a nymph in his cup, in his kitchen. A daughter of Poseidon? Ugh. He would google it later. Maybe this was the miracle he had been hoping for. Maybe she could grant wishes or something … well, maybe not at all like a genie. But maybe the gods would reward him for rescuing her. He wondered if she could communicate. He woke himself from this reverie and lurched to the cabinet for a pitcher. He dumped her in without care and then hit himself in the head for not being more careful. When she and the water hit the bottom of the empty pitcher, the water foamed and fizzed again. And then she “pulled” herself together again and glared up at him. Good thing he had the pitcher. He decided to give her a bit more water guessing she would probably like more, but not so much that she could hang off the edge of the pitcher. This reminded him that he was still thirsty. He set the pitcher in the sink after filling it half full. He shuffled back to the cabinet and reached for a glass. He was a bit woozy and managed to knock the glass off the shelf and it shattered on the tile floor. Out of anger he stomped his foot. Right onto the biggest shard. Well, back to the ER. If he could drive. He never got that glass of water and he never looked back at the mythological creature swimming around in the bottom of his lemonade pitcher. He didn’t see the Barbie sized creature peeking over the edge as he shut the front door behind him. He couldn’t tell you how he got to the hospital. He was just grateful that he did before he lost too much blood and passed out. It was a long wait in the ER. Then there was extracting the pieces of glass and then multiple stitches. He might as well have a cast, he was bandaged so heavily. Because it was his right foot, they wouldn’t let him drive home. He had to call his brother who was none too happy with him at the moment. His brother unceremoniously dumped him off on his sofa with enough food to last him a few days. It was a blessing, HA, that he didn’t have anywhere to be for the next week while his foot healed. He’d camp out on the sofa. He’d order pizza. His brother gave him enough cash for that at least. The creature forgotten, he passed out on the couch. The next week was a haze. His brother would drop by with something to eat occasionally, otherwise he just ate out of the grocery sack on the floor beside him. He watched movies by night and slept by day. He drank a cup of toothpastey water every trip to the bathroom. He wore a path on the carpet from the couch to the bathroom in no time. By the time he finally got bored enough to amble into the kitchen again and cook something a little more healthy to eat, only a little more healthy, the water in the pitcher had evaporated done to less than the original cup of water. He jumped about a foot when he saw the pitcher. He thought the creature had been a dream. Surely it was an alcohol induced dream. He snuck up on the sink and peered inside the pitcher. Not only had the water level gone done considerably, the creature had shrunk in size with it. She appeared to be asleep at the bottom. She looked like one of his daughter’s Polly Pockets, only more real. More human? He lifted the pitcher and gently swirled the water. She jumped awake and glared up at him. He got the distinct impression that she was angry with him. He quickly filled the pitcher up from the tap. Again, the water churned and fizzed a lovely Caribbean Blue. When he turned off the tap and the water settled, there was the Barbie-sized nymph again. He almost dropped the pitcher. He quickly set it on the counter and backed away. The doorbell rang and he met his brother at the door. He’d forgotten. Today was the day he went back to the doctor. The creature was quickly forgotten as he rushed to put on some clothes. His brother impatiently tapping his foot at the door. If he could just please one person one time, that would please himself. His brother practically ran to the running car as he hobbled behind him. They didn’t say one word on the way to the doctor’s office. When he was dropped off back at home, he headed straight to his bed. He never wanted to wake up. He slept for two days with occasional trips to the bathroom. It wasn’t until his stomach protested angrily that he visited the kitchen again. He wasn’t surprised by the pitcher anymore. He just didn’t believe it. He figured if he ignored it, it would evaporate away. He couldn’t take care of himself. He certainly couldn’t take care of his family. The nymph creature might as well just evaporate into thin air.

Commend what you do to Yahweh, and what you plan will be achieved.

Proverbs 16:3 NJB

There is no Nahum 4:13 Poor minor prophets.

Chapter 6 – Breathing Out – Part 4

Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established.
Proverbs 16:3 NASB

Exercise 4: A Place for Us

Where is your “bit of earth”? Where do you feel safest to create? Where in your home do you feel most at peace, least distracted? Describe your ideal artist’s studio. Where would it be? Would there be windows, and, what would you see when you look out of them? What furniture, art pieces, memorabilia, photographs, and other accessories would you put in your studio?

I’ve got a plan for this summer. We have an extra bedroom upstairs. It used to be the nursery. Now it is a toy room. We have multiple toy rooms. I think we can live with one less especially as the girls are getting older.

When I got my piano last fall, it ended up in there. Which was quite nice. Well, I don’t practice it as much because of location. That’s my most pressing concern. But it more difficult because of the piles of toys that pile up around the piano.

I want to go through all of the toys and keep, trash or sell. There is a built in chest of drawers. I think it needs to come out. The current book shelves do NOT accommodate picture books. But they might accommodate mine. The Beatrix Potter pictures must come done. The Peter Rabbit figure wallpapers must come done. The walls are a pale green. I need something more vivid.

I think, if my piano is in there and I have a comfy chaise lounge to curl up on with either book or laptop, I will be “there”. I need a room of my own. Okay, and maybe an art table for my displays so that all of my materials are within arm’s reach. I’m starting to understand all of those cool pieces of furniture for holding yarn and ribbon and paper …

The room has two windows. One looks out over the porte cochere. The other looks out over the back yard. That will be very helpful.

I’ve thought about this room for about two years now. I think it is time for it to morph!

AND I think I will paint murals on my walls! And I might change them every so often. I want a dragon (the Jabberwock?)! And I’ve often thought of illustrating my own Alice. Can you imagine?

Commend what you do to Yahweh, and what you plan will be achieved.

Proverbs 16:3 NJB

Arise and thresh, O daughter of Zion, for I will make your horn iron, and I will make your hoofs bronze; you shall beat in pieces many peoples; and shall devote their gain to the Lord, their wealth to the Lord of the whole earth.

Micah 4:13 (ESV)

Chapter 6 – Breathing Out – Part 3

Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established.
Proverbs 16:3 NASB

Exercise 3: The Family Contract

Work with members of your family in drawing up a contract that defines how they will grant you the time, space, and privacy you need to do your artist work.

When I first read this exercise, I laughed. Like I am really going to do that. Like I was going to pick a space and put up a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. I have better luck with that at church. And I don’t even need the sign. I only keep the door closed so that I don’t bother anyone. No one will bother me.

I guess I laughed because I work part time and I have a lot of free time available. I even get up extra early to take advantage of quiet time. When everyone else is home, I can spend time with them.

Of course, we’re coming up on summer and I’m getting nervous. I’ll have two girls at home with me to keep occupied and sometimes I DO need some down time. I won’t have the time to “work”. I may even have to work with them by my side. It’s just not the same. I don’t care what you say. If your kids are around, you cannot be fully committed to your job.

I’m horrible. I read this exercise and decided I wasn’t going to do it. Why bother. I don’t even want to talk about it.

I’ve disengaged.

A lot.

I haven’t done anything for sooooo long.

After doing everything for sooooo long.

I don’t even remember what I used to do.

Back when I had plenty to do. Oh, yeah, right. I had little ones. That’s it.

What about before them?

Oh, yeah, right. I had a full time job.

It is amazing the importance that has been placed on women having full time jobs. Women who work get more respect and support.

It’s also amazing the number of people who work in a field for which they have no degree … and the number of fully qualified people or are displaced by them.

I’m overwhelmed by the places that create a position for people they like.

Wow. I’m venting. I apologize. Some people get paid to do what they’re good at. Others are not.

Commend what you do to Yahweh, and what you plan will be achieved.

Proverbs 16:3 NJB

There is no Jonah 4:13

Chapter 6 – Breathing Out – Part 2

Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established.
Proverbs 16:3 NASB

Exercise 2: What are You Afraid of?

Indicate which fears apply to you:

1.      Fear that my family life and social life will suffer if I spend time on my art.

2.     Feat that I’ll seem self-indulgent to others if I schedule and protect my artist time.

3.    Fear that it will seem arrogant for me to think I can produce anything “good enough”.

I don’t think the people who know me well enough would think me arrogant. And most people wish I would produce more despite my modesty and lack of confidence.

4.    Fear of calling myself an artist.

We call all kids who attend school “students” whether they are good students or bad students. I am an artist because that is what I do.

5.    Fear of loneliness as friends assume that I’m too busy “acting like an artist” to do things with them. I’d like to rephrase this so that it is suitable to me. Fear of loneliness that my artistic tendencies prevent others from choosing to be friends with me.

My artistic tendencies attract some of the best friends. The rest can remain acquaintances.

6.    Fear of rejection if I submit my work for publication, exhibition, or sale.

God has been training me for rejection the hard way. If I can deal with the rejection of those closer to me, surely I can deal with the rejection of people I’ve never met.

7.      Fear of spending time and money on my art that ought to go to other more “responsible” things.

8.   Fear that I don’t have enough talent.

I have enough talent for what I do. I am busy enough. Now if I could just get paid for what I do ;)

9.    Fear that others will think I’m irresponsible. (Because I get carried away.)

People should appreciate the childlike, fearless, indestructible qualities that I hold onto.

10.           Fear that people I respect won’t like what I produce.

There are more people in this world who like what I produce than there are people I respect. So I win anyway.

11. Fear of my own tendency to quit before I finish something.

There is a time for everything. I have put the work into it and I can always return to it at a later date.

12. Fear that I’ll be just adding another source of stress to my life.

Now turn those fear statements into positive statements.

I don’t know that I have actually turned the statements into positive ones. It would be infinitely easy to write paragraphs as to why I am the way I am or feel the way I feel. But that would do me no good. It would just further imprint my problems.

Truth is I am good enough for what I do and accomplish. I’ve been steadily busy for about eight years. And no one has suggested that I stop. It matters little that I don’t get paid for what I do. I seriously would pay to get to do it. I beg. I’m scared for it to be taken away.

And God has plans for me. Plans for good and not for disaster. I am where I am because He placed me there despite the battle I provided. I still stare in disbelief at how it has all worked out. I am blessed beyond anything I could have imagined for myself.

And here I am with this new lovely computer. The feel of the keys alone is exhilarating. I’ll have to take a picture. All I can think is “PRETTY” when I open it up. I must protect myself from being drug into it. I was up late as it was.

Now let’s see how superfast I can upload this and even post it without ever reaching for my iPhone! Oooo. I need a white iPhone now to match! Who ever would have thunk it.

Thank you Heavenly Father!

Commend what you do to Yahweh, and what you plan will be achieved.

Proverbs 16:3 NJB

There is no Obadiah 4:13