“My Conversion”

I needed pants. Black pants. Preferably short pants. Cargo pants. There was a pile of pants. On sale. Even better. They were khaki, olive, brown, and white. Really? White?

I searched and searched. And tried on many. But none would suffice save one. I finally found one lone pair of black pants. Fortunately in my size. Hanging amid other articles of clothing. They were hiding. Waiting for me.

But I had a special job for the black pants. Otherwise I never would have purchased black pants in summer. Too hot! And the other colors were calling me. With my black pants clutched to my side, I was off to the pile.

I gravitated to the brown ones. Strange. But brown is elegant when paired with the right colors. I headed back to the fitting room. Love. That’s what it is. When you find a piece of clothing, pants in particular, that fit just right.

Very next day, but I had to wear them. I felt chic. And the rivets fascinated me. They represented various metals. Silver, bronze, gold, but then there were also a few rhinestones scattered within. You could really pair anything with them.

And there was a belt. What a deal! A matching belt for such a price.

What a deal until my first trip to the bathroom. The belt increased my bathroom time 100%. I never wear belts anymore. Who does? Except to keep mens’ pants up? It’s not like we tuck anything in. It’s not like anyone can see the sparkly belt.

But they are a part of the pants. The belt will irk me every restroom trip. But I will continue to wear it. The pants are just so-so without it. The belt completes the look, even if no one can see it.

Of course, next year is another story. I might outgrow the belt’s intrigue.

One restroom trip. Yes, I said that. It occurred to me that we are to wear the Belt of Truth. And I have been beltless. And it is freeing. No constriction/restriction. And it is strange to have a belt on again. And I only wear it with the matching pants.

The black pants have no belt whatsoever. And I keep them in a safe place until the right day. They have a purpose. Once their purpose is finished, I will wear them weekly. Beltless, I am sure.

Surprise. There are no more books in the Bible with a 4:13. Rough day.

“By Grace Alone”

And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.

Acts 4:12 (ESV)

As I’ve been choosing my own verses regarding my assurance of salvation, it occurs to me that they all point to Jesus. My verses are showing where salvation is and NOT guaranteeing mine. Okay, I think this can be lovingly argued on my behalf, but that is not what I’m after.

There is nothing I can do to earn my salvation. And neither can you.

I can have faith in the grace of the Son, but even that faith is supplied by the Spirit. I cannot even consider the power and the beauty and the fragility that is Jesus without that the Spirit calls to me.

Sometimes, just knowing that you have no power is comforting. But giving someone else the keys to your car AND the driver’s seat, is frightening. Especially when they don’t go where you expect them to.

The truth for me this morning, again, I didn’t know which verse to choose. But as soon as I sat down, even before I reached for my Bible, I had the verse in my head. Given to me by the Spirit. The Spirit who holds my car door open for me and even lets me have the keys. I’m avoiding His eyes.

And the lovely thing for me is, how well I knew that verse. I have the capacity. I have the potential. I have the background. I should use it better. As I write, stream of consciousness really. As I try to work it out, I’m given direction. I know what I should do. It’s not time to move on yet, even though I’ve dwelt in this objective for 6 days now.

No, I am supposed to write my testimony of my assurance. It’s kind of like my master’s thesis. Then I can move on. One step at a time. There is no rush. And there is only one book I need.

By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

1 John 4:13 (ESV)

“The One and Only Way”

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. NO one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6 (ESV)

The book leaves room for your own additions. And this one is mine. At first I wondered how I’d find one, but leave it to the Spirit to immediately place this verse in my head. My mind attempts to find a rebuttal for why this verse doesn’t fit here, but it does for me. And my mind reels to explain it.

Perhaps it goes along with being born into the faith. There has always been Jesus. I have curiosity regarding other faiths and at times have studied them, but not with a searching heart. It seems intrinsic that Jesus is the only way.

One of my favorite illustrations is the mountain with God at the top. Current trends put forth the idea that all religions sit around the base of the mountain. Each religion has a path that leads to the top. And all beliefs end at the peak at one and the same God. Each path is different, and each path is difficult. But for Christianity, Jesus came down from the mountain, and met us instead.

Yes flaws and arguments. But I love the story of the God that came to the people. And who wouldn’t choose the God that would come to us rather than sit on a mountain and enjoy the view.

And He didn’t just meet us. He became like us and lived like us and died like us. But He stayed in communion with God the Father. And He fulfilled the task the Father set forth. God’s will was Jesus’ will. And because He was righteous and blameless and loving, death had no hold on Him. And He rose.

And we can rise too, if we claim Him.

One Way.

This verse is assurance of my salvation. In a way, it is one of my prayers. It is a verse that stays in my mind and I think of it often. There is also a song – I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in me will live a new life. It’s the song that I sing in my head and I learned it when I was young. It’s from John 11:25. I love songs written directly from Scripture.

No 2 Peter 4:13. Pout.

“The Witness of the Spirit”

The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.

Romans 8:16 (ESV)

One of the activities that is listed for this training objective is to be able to vocalize or share your conversion to another person. And one of the great calamities of being born into the faith is not having a conversion experience. This is not to say that some don’t turn away and then come back. There are plenty of books out there to that effect.

And I would NEVER say that we do a disservice to our own children to guarantee that they are born into the faith. Mine were baptized before they were a month old. Mine have attended church alongside me since almost the beginning. Mine started Sunday School before they were technically the appropriate age to be allowed. Mine go to the same parochial school that I did.

It is my hope that they would never be without Jesus. That they would never turn from Him. I would expect an ounce of rebellion as well.

But then I look at where I am today and I hope that they are not in the same position that I am in at 40. Questioning. Questioning myself. Not God.

You listen to the confirmands essays and I hear that they are rarely old enough to have experienced some great conversion that has convicted their hearts. They spout what they have learned. They try to fit their lives into some blueprint for why they believe. Why they have the hope. They struggle and few admit that it “just is” and “always has been”. In the end, it is another job completed. Another obstacle to tackle before they can come of age. And “can I be done yet?”

And parents start showing up for the classes, when required. Once confirmation is complete, they disappear again. You do what is required to get the job done. Get your tuition paid by attending the right church. Your child graduates and you’re outta here. What a great role model we are.

And if you’re not living for Christ while you are a Christian, there won’t be much difference in your life when you decide you aren’t a Christian.

I know I don’t pray enough. I know I never think to pray first. I know I run into troubles because I don’t rely upon the ONE. I rely upon my own fallible self. I get what I deserve because I don’t use the tools and the knowledge I have been given. It is like I don’t believe. Or I’m some horrible amnesiac. I am where I am and it’s my own damn fault.

But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

1 Peter 4:13 (ESV)

“The Promise of the Word”

And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.

1 John 5:11-12(ESV)

I think perhaps we just wish to be useful. There are some things we are good at. Other things we are not. It is hard to hear that we are not and that someone else is. There are simply things I’m not created to do. My mind doesn’t even entertain the idea.

It is hard to love others when they excel where we have failed. Not everyone is hard to love. Some people are just too likeable. Too loveable. Too good.

Then there are those that are so easy to … hate. Because they aren’t loveable or even likeable. They rub you the wrong way.  And they seem to enjoy doing it.

I’d like to think that the first group of people are filled with the fruits of the Holy Spirit. And they are powerfully blessed by God. You can see His promises kept in them.

I have a tendency to think the second group of people don’t. Even if they proclaim they are.

And the thing is… there are some really good, likeable, loveable people are not saved. They don’t have Jesus. But they follow Him so much better than those who claim Him.

And it doesn’t matter. It is not for me to judge. It is not for me to choose. I only get to experience and learn. Who do I wish to emulate? Those who love. Not those who destroy. Who do I wish to be? One who loves. Not one who destroys. Who do I want to lead me? One who loves. Not one who destroys.

Some people are so very good at pretending. I’m one of them.

I have Jesus, but how has that changed me?

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.

James 4:13 (ESV)

Another much needed keeper. A verse for the bipolar. Rapunzel.

“Based on the Work of Christ”

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

John 1:12-13 (ESV)

I’ve got nothing.

Why do I do this? The writing is to hold me accountable. I would just sleep in otherwise. I argue that it is a piece of quiet time. Or it is an artist’s daybook. It is a habit I have gotten into. But I used to want to get up. I used to want to write. I looked forward to it. I was discovering.

But I also used to want to go to church. I used to want to serve in various capacities. I looked forward to it. But it is like I woke up from a dream. The vision I was working towards is gone. I watched as another person gradually achieved my goals. Did I give her the idea? Was that my purpose?

No.

My focus was transformation. Before that, I thought I was.

I wanted to find God. To be closer.

But where I used to see Him everywhere, now I don’t find Him at all.

Someone else cannot help me. I cannot help myself.

Only He can, and I am terrified to be alone with Him.

Fill my head up with stuff and keep Him distant.

He wanted me to do something. I wanted to do it to. But I didn’t trust Him. I think the outcome is still the same. And I am still hurt. But I didn’t even try.

I can do so much more. I can be so much more. And God will provide. But this world can surely hold you down.

And I’m tired of people telling me what I am. That I missed my calling.

Can I just be a Child of God and nothing else? Do I have to be anything? As long as God’s work is done, do I have to have control?

Am I willing to write for God and no one else?

Am I willing to go elsewhere? Rather than stay in disappointed comfort.

And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Hebrews 4:13 (ESV)

Now that’s a good ONE! A keeper.

Topic 1 – Assurance of Salvation

Training Objective: He will be able to confidently express to another person his own assurance of salvation based on his personal faith in Christ and one or more promises from the Word.

“We can know we’re Christians”

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.

1 John 5:13 (ESV)

I have found my first prayer:

“I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 (ESV)

After I read the first Scripture provided by this topic, I was uniquely disappointed. I am supposed to read it, study it, meditate upon it, find its meaning for me today. Memorize it? And the first phrase is “I write these things.” Which tells me to go back and read these things. Which things? The paragraph prior? The entire book? If someone asks you for the reason for your hope in salvation, you cannot respond with this verse.

I’ve become critical. There is no joy. I want to wallow.

So I say a prayer to the Spirit. Guide me, show me, soften my heart and lead me. My heart is so hard and I don’t want it to be this way. I’ve been trying to protect my heart, when it must be broken. Crush it and heal it.

I DO believe in the name of the Son of God. I DO.  I know who is was and is and always will be. I am His and He wants me. I know this. I DO.

But can I say, it is like knowledge? I know the book. I know the rules. I know the story. I’ve read it. I’ve heard it. And I can tuck it away in my mind and bring it out when I need it, want it.

Sometimes it is like love. In my heart. It can bring me to tears without quite knowing the why. It can leave me breathless and panting. But of course, that seems foolish and unexplainable and we have to cover that up. How do you explain that to someone who is concerned, or rather, curious? Or annoyed?

Ahhh. And there it is. You cannot protect your heart and leave it open at the same time.

So I cannot waffle on the fact that I have eternal life. I am assured. Even if I choose to be critical to protect my heart. And hide my fear.

Hahaha. I know not to bother with Philemon – for my silly purpose anyway.