“My Conversion”

I needed pants. Black pants. Preferably short pants. Cargo pants. There was a pile of pants. On sale. Even better. They were khaki, olive, brown, and white. Really? White?

I searched and searched. And tried on many. But none would suffice save one. I finally found one lone pair of black pants. Fortunately in my size. Hanging amid other articles of clothing. They were hiding. Waiting for me.

But I had a special job for the black pants. Otherwise I never would have purchased black pants in summer. Too hot! And the other colors were calling me. With my black pants clutched to my side, I was off to the pile.

I gravitated to the brown ones. Strange. But brown is elegant when paired with the right colors. I headed back to the fitting room. Love. That’s what it is. When you find a piece of clothing, pants in particular, that fit just right.

Very next day, but I had to wear them. I felt chic. And the rivets fascinated me. They represented various metals. Silver, bronze, gold, but then there were also a few rhinestones scattered within. You could really pair anything with them.

And there was a belt. What a deal! A matching belt for such a price.

What a deal until my first trip to the bathroom. The belt increased my bathroom time 100%. I never wear belts anymore. Who does? Except to keep mens’ pants up? It’s not like we tuck anything in. It’s not like anyone can see the sparkly belt.

But they are a part of the pants. The belt will irk me every restroom trip. But I will continue to wear it. The pants are just so-so without it. The belt completes the look, even if no one can see it.

Of course, next year is another story. I might outgrow the belt’s intrigue.

One restroom trip. Yes, I said that. It occurred to me that we are to wear the Belt of Truth. And I have been beltless. And it is freeing. No constriction/restriction. And it is strange to have a belt on again. And I only wear it with the matching pants.

The black pants have no belt whatsoever. And I keep them in a safe place until the right day. They have a purpose. Once their purpose is finished, I will wear them weekly. Beltless, I am sure.

Surprise. There are no more books in the Bible with a 4:13. Rough day.

“By Grace Alone”

And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.

Acts 4:12 (ESV)

As I’ve been choosing my own verses regarding my assurance of salvation, it occurs to me that they all point to Jesus. My verses are showing where salvation is and NOT guaranteeing mine. Okay, I think this can be lovingly argued on my behalf, but that is not what I’m after.

There is nothing I can do to earn my salvation. And neither can you.

I can have faith in the grace of the Son, but even that faith is supplied by the Spirit. I cannot even consider the power and the beauty and the fragility that is Jesus without that the Spirit calls to me.

Sometimes, just knowing that you have no power is comforting. But giving someone else the keys to your car AND the driver’s seat, is frightening. Especially when they don’t go where you expect them to.

The truth for me this morning, again, I didn’t know which verse to choose. But as soon as I sat down, even before I reached for my Bible, I had the verse in my head. Given to me by the Spirit. The Spirit who holds my car door open for me and even lets me have the keys. I’m avoiding His eyes.

And the lovely thing for me is, how well I knew that verse. I have the capacity. I have the potential. I have the background. I should use it better. As I write, stream of consciousness really. As I try to work it out, I’m given direction. I know what I should do. It’s not time to move on yet, even though I’ve dwelt in this objective for 6 days now.

No, I am supposed to write my testimony of my assurance. It’s kind of like my master’s thesis. Then I can move on. One step at a time. There is no rush. And there is only one book I need.

By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

1 John 4:13 (ESV)

“The One and Only Way”

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. NO one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6 (ESV)

The book leaves room for your own additions. And this one is mine. At first I wondered how I’d find one, but leave it to the Spirit to immediately place this verse in my head. My mind attempts to find a rebuttal for why this verse doesn’t fit here, but it does for me. And my mind reels to explain it.

Perhaps it goes along with being born into the faith. There has always been Jesus. I have curiosity regarding other faiths and at times have studied them, but not with a searching heart. It seems intrinsic that Jesus is the only way.

One of my favorite illustrations is the mountain with God at the top. Current trends put forth the idea that all religions sit around the base of the mountain. Each religion has a path that leads to the top. And all beliefs end at the peak at one and the same God. Each path is different, and each path is difficult. But for Christianity, Jesus came down from the mountain, and met us instead.

Yes flaws and arguments. But I love the story of the God that came to the people. And who wouldn’t choose the God that would come to us rather than sit on a mountain and enjoy the view.

And He didn’t just meet us. He became like us and lived like us and died like us. But He stayed in communion with God the Father. And He fulfilled the task the Father set forth. God’s will was Jesus’ will. And because He was righteous and blameless and loving, death had no hold on Him. And He rose.

And we can rise too, if we claim Him.

One Way.

This verse is assurance of my salvation. In a way, it is one of my prayers. It is a verse that stays in my mind and I think of it often. There is also a song – I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in me will live a new life. It’s the song that I sing in my head and I learned it when I was young. It’s from John 11:25. I love songs written directly from Scripture.

No 2 Peter 4:13. Pout.

“The Witness of the Spirit”

The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.

Romans 8:16 (ESV)

One of the activities that is listed for this training objective is to be able to vocalize or share your conversion to another person. And one of the great calamities of being born into the faith is not having a conversion experience. This is not to say that some don’t turn away and then come back. There are plenty of books out there to that effect.

And I would NEVER say that we do a disservice to our own children to guarantee that they are born into the faith. Mine were baptized before they were a month old. Mine have attended church alongside me since almost the beginning. Mine started Sunday School before they were technically the appropriate age to be allowed. Mine go to the same parochial school that I did.

It is my hope that they would never be without Jesus. That they would never turn from Him. I would expect an ounce of rebellion as well.

But then I look at where I am today and I hope that they are not in the same position that I am in at 40. Questioning. Questioning myself. Not God.

You listen to the confirmands essays and I hear that they are rarely old enough to have experienced some great conversion that has convicted their hearts. They spout what they have learned. They try to fit their lives into some blueprint for why they believe. Why they have the hope. They struggle and few admit that it “just is” and “always has been”. In the end, it is another job completed. Another obstacle to tackle before they can come of age. And “can I be done yet?”

And parents start showing up for the classes, when required. Once confirmation is complete, they disappear again. You do what is required to get the job done. Get your tuition paid by attending the right church. Your child graduates and you’re outta here. What a great role model we are.

And if you’re not living for Christ while you are a Christian, there won’t be much difference in your life when you decide you aren’t a Christian.

I know I don’t pray enough. I know I never think to pray first. I know I run into troubles because I don’t rely upon the ONE. I rely upon my own fallible self. I get what I deserve because I don’t use the tools and the knowledge I have been given. It is like I don’t believe. Or I’m some horrible amnesiac. I am where I am and it’s my own damn fault.

But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

1 Peter 4:13 (ESV)

“The Promise of the Word”

And this is the testimony, that God gave us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.

1 John 5:11-12(ESV)

I think perhaps we just wish to be useful. There are some things we are good at. Other things we are not. It is hard to hear that we are not and that someone else is. There are simply things I’m not created to do. My mind doesn’t even entertain the idea.

It is hard to love others when they excel where we have failed. Not everyone is hard to love. Some people are just too likeable. Too loveable. Too good.

Then there are those that are so easy to … hate. Because they aren’t loveable or even likeable. They rub you the wrong way.  And they seem to enjoy doing it.

I’d like to think that the first group of people are filled with the fruits of the Holy Spirit. And they are powerfully blessed by God. You can see His promises kept in them.

I have a tendency to think the second group of people don’t. Even if they proclaim they are.

And the thing is… there are some really good, likeable, loveable people are not saved. They don’t have Jesus. But they follow Him so much better than those who claim Him.

And it doesn’t matter. It is not for me to judge. It is not for me to choose. I only get to experience and learn. Who do I wish to emulate? Those who love. Not those who destroy. Who do I wish to be? One who loves. Not one who destroys. Who do I want to lead me? One who loves. Not one who destroys.

Some people are so very good at pretending. I’m one of them.

I have Jesus, but how has that changed me?

Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.

James 4:13 (ESV)

Another much needed keeper. A verse for the bipolar. Rapunzel.

“Based on the Work of Christ”

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

John 1:12-13 (ESV)

I’ve got nothing.

Why do I do this? The writing is to hold me accountable. I would just sleep in otherwise. I argue that it is a piece of quiet time. Or it is an artist’s daybook. It is a habit I have gotten into. But I used to want to get up. I used to want to write. I looked forward to it. I was discovering.

But I also used to want to go to church. I used to want to serve in various capacities. I looked forward to it. But it is like I woke up from a dream. The vision I was working towards is gone. I watched as another person gradually achieved my goals. Did I give her the idea? Was that my purpose?

No.

My focus was transformation. Before that, I thought I was.

I wanted to find God. To be closer.

But where I used to see Him everywhere, now I don’t find Him at all.

Someone else cannot help me. I cannot help myself.

Only He can, and I am terrified to be alone with Him.

Fill my head up with stuff and keep Him distant.

He wanted me to do something. I wanted to do it to. But I didn’t trust Him. I think the outcome is still the same. And I am still hurt. But I didn’t even try.

I can do so much more. I can be so much more. And God will provide. But this world can surely hold you down.

And I’m tired of people telling me what I am. That I missed my calling.

Can I just be a Child of God and nothing else? Do I have to be anything? As long as God’s work is done, do I have to have control?

Am I willing to write for God and no one else?

Am I willing to go elsewhere? Rather than stay in disappointed comfort.

And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Hebrews 4:13 (ESV)

Now that’s a good ONE! A keeper.

Topic 1 – Assurance of Salvation

Training Objective: He will be able to confidently express to another person his own assurance of salvation based on his personal faith in Christ and one or more promises from the Word.

“We can know we’re Christians”

I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life.

1 John 5:13 (ESV)

I have found my first prayer:

“I believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:24 (ESV)

After I read the first Scripture provided by this topic, I was uniquely disappointed. I am supposed to read it, study it, meditate upon it, find its meaning for me today. Memorize it? And the first phrase is “I write these things.” Which tells me to go back and read these things. Which things? The paragraph prior? The entire book? If someone asks you for the reason for your hope in salvation, you cannot respond with this verse.

I’ve become critical. There is no joy. I want to wallow.

So I say a prayer to the Spirit. Guide me, show me, soften my heart and lead me. My heart is so hard and I don’t want it to be this way. I’ve been trying to protect my heart, when it must be broken. Crush it and heal it.

I DO believe in the name of the Son of God. I DO.  I know who is was and is and always will be. I am His and He wants me. I know this. I DO.

But can I say, it is like knowledge? I know the book. I know the rules. I know the story. I’ve read it. I’ve heard it. And I can tuck it away in my mind and bring it out when I need it, want it.

Sometimes it is like love. In my heart. It can bring me to tears without quite knowing the why. It can leave me breathless and panting. But of course, that seems foolish and unexplainable and we have to cover that up. How do you explain that to someone who is concerned, or rather, curious? Or annoyed?

Ahhh. And there it is. You cannot protect your heart and leave it open at the same time.

So I cannot waffle on the fact that I have eternal life. I am assured. Even if I choose to be critical to protect my heart. And hide my fear.

Hahaha. I know not to bother with Philemon – for my silly purpose anyway.

Chapter 12 – Confident and Unashamed

No. How about overwhelmed? 54 books for resource materials to meet training objectives? Seriously? I cannot say that I have heard of any of them. Maybe one? Maybe? I’m tempted to walk into church with my list and get some. They’ll be there right? Someone will know what I’m talking about surely. Or is this an outdated 70s fad?

I’m sorry for being snarky. I’m in a strange place. And I’m starting something new. Let’s see what I can do… Book is done. Not starting another. Going to begin with Assurance of Salvation. Yes. That’s the plan.

Beginning with Christ

Lessons on Assurance

Studies in Christian Living

What Every Christian Should Know About Growing

The Know-so Christian

Christian Assurance

Seven Minutes with God

Devotional Diary

Streams in the Desert

Beginning the Day with God

Secrets of Christian Growth

This Morning with God

The Pursuit of God

Steps to Spiritual Victory

Men Made New

Going on with Christ

Of God and Men

Lessons on Christian Living

A Layman’s Guide to Interpreting the Bible

Authority

Bible Reading Plan

The Topical Memory System

Coming to Christ through Scripture Memory

A Primer on Meditation

Winning Ways

Be the Leader You Were Meant to Be

Meditation: The Bible Tells You How

Christian Maturity – How?

How to Get Results through Prayer

Power through Prayer

Conversational Prayer

Born to Reproduce

My Heart, Christ’s Home

God Can Make It Happen

The Greatest Thing in the World

The Mark of the Christian

Finding God’s Will

How to Know the Will of God, Weiss

How to Know the Will of God, Johnston

Being a Christian

How to Resist Satan

Your Adversary the Devil

Behold He Cometh

Why Must Jesus Come Again

The Return of Jesus Christ

The Living End

The Art of Personal Witnessing

How to Give Away Your Faith

Evangelism: Why and How

The Master Plan of Evangelism

Follow-up

Encouraging New Christians

The Dynamics of Personal Follow-up

You and God’s Work Overseas

Ahhh, no Titus 4:13.

Chapter 11 – How to Train Leaders

More lists.

9 Training Objectives

May not need all. Might discover more. Each leader is different.

1.      Developing Depth in His Life

2.     Discovering His Vocation and His Gifts (I would hope that this had happened long before. OR we were talking about young people being trained. It seems a little late in the game to be discovering his gifts at this point [4years?])

3.     Building Up His Strengths

4.     Training Him in Leadership (Seems redundant that training a person in leadership is an objective under how to train leaders.)

5.     Taking Steps that Stretch His Faith

6.     Refining His Ministry Skills

7.     Learning Discernment

8.     Learning Communication Skills (I’m trying to keep in mind that many of these are extensions of past training objectives. Again, this is the first time I’ve seen communication and it seems a little bit late to train a person here.)

9.     Having a Good Doctrinal Foundation

I think it would be more beneficial for me to start obtaining the resource and reference materials in the book. The way I see it, I’m gonna go it alone. Either that or walk up to someone, give them the book and say, “train me.” Laughter.

Or get a group of us together and hold each other accountable to trying to do better.

When was the last time someone asked you, “how often do you read your Bible?”

Maybe I should start asking …

‘Cause if you ask a person how they are doing and they reply fine, but there is hesitation or sadness there… you either have to follow it up or let it go. And we all just let it go. It is so much easier than engaging. We’re supposed to engage the world? How about each other?

When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books, and above all the parchments.

2 Timothy 4:13 (ESV)

Chapter 10 – The Need for Leadership

This chapter was list within list. I got so lost, I decided to draw each list out myself.

2 Keys to developing a leader:

1.      Selection

2.     Time

5 Qualities (How to spot a leader. May not have all qualities. Can develop some.)

1.      He has fight and drive

2.     He can spot and recruit achievers*

3.     He has stability

4.     He has organizational ability**

5.     He has judgment and creativity (one will usually dominate)

a.     A judicial person will be a steady, thoughtful, methodical, productive leader.

b.     A creative person will “get it done with flair.” There will be a bit more sparkle and pizzazz in his method of operation.

8 Traits of an achiever*

1.      He is reliable

2.     He is resourceful

3.     He is adaptable

4.     He is enthusiastic

5.     He know how to work

6.     He is alert

7.     He has initiative

8.     He is confident

6 Keys to personal organization**

1.      A realistic look at one’s own capacity

2.     A settled conviction as to what God wants done

3.     The ability to do things in the order of their importance

4.     The good sense to leave some free time between projects, knowing things often take longer than planned and that there are always unforeseen interruptions

5.     The faithful keeping of time with God and the priority of the family at the top of the list.

6.     Learning how to function with a certain flexibility that is people-centered rather than project-centered. No one can be a good leader who is more concerned with projects than with people

6 Basic rules to organize a project

1.      Define your mission in exact, specific terms

2.     Break it down and divide it up into manageable and workable units

3.     Set up an organization that will help each unit to accomplish its part of the endeavor

4.     Fill the key spots with well-trained men

5.     Give them full authority to get their jobs done

6.     Check up on them to see that they stick with the main job

Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching.

1 Timothy 4:13 (ESV)

Chapter 9 – Training Objectives for a Worker

The title of this book is The Lost Art of Disciple-Making and I’m halfway through the book and we are talking about Worker–Making. The last third of the book is devoted to Leader-Making. I guess I’m supposed to be smart enough to know when to stop.

But if I am a Christian who isn’t a convert, think about the people who are made leaders who aren’t disciples. They’re all over the place. And I am not talking about community leaders.  I’m talking about people that you would think should display the fruits of the Holy Spirit, but don’t. You know, the people who profess to be a certain way, generally the holier than thou, but don’t walk the walk. Ahh, the hypocrite. And I am NOT saying that I am NOT one. Double-negative humor there.

We’re talking about the Pharisees who declaim their righteousness, passion and convictions in public. And then seek the darkness, the closed doors, to discourage and tear down others in an effort to claim a spot on the lifeboat. I have no use for them.

I have no use for those who build buildings when they should be building people.

The following are the objectives:

1.      A Heart for People – I do not have this. Or rather, when I do, I quench it. I believe it is self-preservation.

2.     An Addiction to the Vision of Multiplication – I have seen this in others and I couldn’t name it, but now I can see it.

3.     A Servant Spirit – I think I have this. It can certainly be developed.

4.     An Integral Part of the Disciple-making Team – Hahaha. Have to be invited first.

5.     A Volunteer Spirit – Yep, yep. I think it must mean something when your spouse tells other people that “she’s done volunteering” while I simultaneously agree to consider it.

6.     A Pacesetter – Nah, I like to run myself into the ground.

7.     A Productive Witness – I would like to be.

8.     A Bible Study Leader – I would love to be.

9.     A Sensitivity to Others – I suffer from the syndrome of the Freudian slip.

10. A Thinker – I can be. There is not a lot I miss. Unfortunately, there are times I miss big things because I’m immersed in the details. I do make connections that others miss.

There was something special in this chapter that eased my heart. Paul ignored the masses to find Titus who was lost. Finding Titus was of primary importance to Paul. More could be brought to Christ with Titus than without and therefore Titus came before the masses. I never would have thought to hear that. There was a little hackle-raising, but I get it.

Problem arises when there is no Titus and the masses are being ignored anyway. They are being turned away. The sheep are starving, lost, and they cannot hear any shepherd and least of all the one who claims to be their own.

2 Thessalonians is too short.

Chapter 8 – How to Develop Workers

Training by example – The more I have seen, the more I begin to think things like, “a degree is not a guarantee.” I think perhaps we should go back to apprenticeships. We learn so much more when we are working together in the field. And if, of course, you don’t like the work, then you don’t do that job. We could save time, money and effort.

At the Summer Reading desk, whenever we have a new volunteer, we ask them to sit with us and listen to our “spiel”. After hearing it a few times, you begin to be able to reproduce it. Yes, we have a list of things to remember to say and ask, but until you actually “do it”. It doesn’t feel natural. And every “interview” with a patron is different. And we each have a different flow.

Availability – I find that there are people that I would like to model myself after. Not entirely, but just portions. But if they are never available to you it simply isn’t possible. You might wonder how they manage certain things, but you are left to wonder because you never actually see how they do it. Or you might mistakenly think it works one way, when in reality it is the opposite.

For instance, a person might be very “even keel” and patient and quiet and balanced. It might just be their nature or they might be on happy pills. How willing are they to admit to the latter one? I heard yesterday that you can watch a classroom take on some of the characteristics of a teacher. An easy going teacher = an easy going class. A volatile teacher might equal a more volatile class. No wonder some children don’t do well in some classes.

Transparency – I have noticed one person in particular is very open about his weaknesses especially in comparison to the strengths of those around him. This person calls it like it is. And you never get the sense that he is putting himself down. He is being truthful. I am this. I am not that. It is very refreshing to be open about your strengths and weaknesses. It seems in today’s world that more people are apt to be the best at everything and announce it to the world and be very prideful about it.

Training on a personal basis – Of course this means keep it small. Work in depth and not in breadth, but your efforts will be rewarded in breadth by those your work with in depth. Jesus only had many, many disciples. He chose twelve to work closely with. Of those twelve, there were three that were even yet closer. He chose them as well.

God, please send me one who will choose me and then lead me to one I can choose.

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.
1 Thessalonians 4:13 (ESV)