“Based on the Work of Christ”

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

John 1:12-13 (ESV)

I’ve got nothing.

Why do I do this? The writing is to hold me accountable. I would just sleep in otherwise. I argue that it is a piece of quiet time. Or it is an artist’s daybook. It is a habit I have gotten into. But I used to want to get up. I used to want to write. I looked forward to it. I was discovering.

But I also used to want to go to church. I used to want to serve in various capacities. I looked forward to it. But it is like I woke up from a dream. The vision I was working towards is gone. I watched as another person gradually achieved my goals. Did I give her the idea? Was that my purpose?

No.

My focus was transformation. Before that, I thought I was.

I wanted to find God. To be closer.

But where I used to see Him everywhere, now I don’t find Him at all.

Someone else cannot help me. I cannot help myself.

Only He can, and I am terrified to be alone with Him.

Fill my head up with stuff and keep Him distant.

He wanted me to do something. I wanted to do it to. But I didn’t trust Him. I think the outcome is still the same. And I am still hurt. But I didn’t even try.

I can do so much more. I can be so much more. And God will provide. But this world can surely hold you down.

And I’m tired of people telling me what I am. That I missed my calling.

Can I just be a Child of God and nothing else? Do I have to be anything? As long as God’s work is done, do I have to have control?

Am I willing to write for God and no one else?

Am I willing to go elsewhere? Rather than stay in disappointed comfort.

And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Hebrews 4:13 (ESV)

Now that’s a good ONE! A keeper.