When I
was very young, I had a very simplistic concept of sin. I was taught the Ten
Commandments and I was more concerned that I would not be able to recite them
all verbatim than I was concerned with understanding what they meant. Thou
shalt not murder… or is it you will not kill… and is there really a big
difference? At least I have not taken the life of another person through
violence. Okay, I have that one under the belt. I think I can keep that one
fairly well. Is that number 5 or 7?
Then
Jesus threw that rod in the wheel – anyone so much as hates their neighbor and
you have already broken the commandment not to kill. Really? You cannot even
think it and it is a sin? Okay, so I have broken that commandment. Many times
over. Let’s pick another one.
Truth
is I would sit in my pew at church – still when I was little – and listen to us
confess our sins and promise to do better. In my mind, I believed that I would
honestly try to do better and keep a clean slate for the week. I would be the
best “me” I could be. When I got older I realized with clarity that I had no
sooner stepped out of the sanctuary, than all of my good intentions were blown
away by the wind. A puff really.
I
believe many of us are still operating under this misguided idea that we can be
good. Or even that we are already good enough. We are at least much better than
others. And if we can be good enough on our own, we don’t need anything else.
(especially not God?)
So how
do we define our goodness? By how smart or talented we are. If not, then at
least by how smart or talented our children are. By the job that we have? By
the art we create? By the number of people who look up to us. By the number of
people who follow us? By the house we own or the car we drive? By the money we
can make. Or the people we know.
Do we
define our goodness against the evil in the world? We live in a free country.
We belong to organizations that stop bad things from happening. We belong to
the “right” political party. We give to charity. We don’t approve of
dysfunctional lifestyles. We’re not divorced. We don’t drink. We don’t smoke.
We adopt strays – human or animal.
How do
we define sin and how do we distance ourselves from it. How do we attempt to
turn the tables to redirect suspicion? “She’s a gossip!” Even if what she’s
gossiping about – about you – happens to be true. Still you’re the victim. We
make sin out to be the bad things that happen to us. Against us.
No,
sin is our inability to accept that we are not good enough. Our inability to
accept that we do infinitely bad things – even if we only think them. Our
attempts to redirect the bad away from us. To make ourselves look good. To
always be looking out for number one – ourselves. To prove that we are better
or the best.
The
sin is making “me” the ultimate end. Putting ourselves on the pedestal by any
of the means necessary and available. This is so hard. Exhausting really.
Always trying to prove to others and especially to ourselves that we are worthy
of the rare space available on the lifeboat.
All we
need to define ourselves. The easy way. Is to look towards that which is truly
the ultimate. The beginning and the end. God and His sinless Son. That perfect
relationship that we once had and then lost. We have been trying to regain it
ever since whether we knew it or not. Filling ourselves up with everything –
pride mostly – that we thought would fill the emptiness. But what we really
needed was to put aside all forms of pride and accept the loving relationship
with our Maker. Accept His Son who was able to do what we could not.
Not
saying that it is easy. I certainly cannot get it right. But that is okay,
because I know that I am sinful and I know that there is HOPE for a restored
relationship someday. It’s not about me. Never was. Never will be. I came with
nothing. I’ll leave with nothing. But I’ll gain what I have been missing – God.
