Chapter 24 – "Why shouldn't I be jealous and envious when everybody else is better off than I am?"

Wilderness Mentality #9

Lifeboat mentality 101. We are all competing to prove we deserve to stay in the boat and someone else … everybody else?… needs to be tossed to the sharks.

Boy do I vacillate. One day I am definitely the jealous, envious type … though I certainly wouldn't call it that. Either I don't want what they have OR what they have is not good enough. But deep down it's envy. Admitted.

The next day, I am all team work!  Surround yourself with the best people and you all look good. Very … We are all members of one body. Someone is the brains. Someone is the vision. Someone executes. Someone builds. Someone invests.

I guess I am satisfied as long as I am a member of the team. That is about it. Yep, that is right. I want control. And I don't trust you to do what is good or right. I can do it better than you.

Ugly stuff, huh?

I guess the hardest part for me is admitting that I'm jealous of someone. That shows my insecurities. And I definitely don't want to expose that I am insecure. I'd rather you see me as confident.

I just want more.  I can do more. I am not doing enough. I am not challenged. That's not a good thing. I am bored!

And I'm tired of people telling me that I do too much. If I was doing too much, I would be busy. I am not busy. I have too much time on my hands!

Perhaps I am just not doing the right things …? So I drop some stuff. But what happens if I don't get to do new stuff and I just end up doing less?

I am jealous because I see others doing what I want to do and I want a chance!!!

OK, I'm done. What happened to that Mind of Christ chapter? The itty bitty one in the middle of all the negative? Really spending too much time concentrating on what is negative and not enough time on how to train for the positive.

One more chapter to go! One more chapter to go! Yippee! I must be losing it. Admittedly.

A dispute also arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.

Luke 22:24-26 (NIV)