Chapter 2 – Listening – Part 4

In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
Psalm 5:3

Exercise 4: Hopes and Longings

Complete each of these statements.

I always hoped that I’d … have gotten to the end. I guess I always thought that I would get to the point where I would be done. I would be right where I should be and I would be done. I wouldn’t realize that one place was perhaps temporary. I always thought I would have a job where I would remain for life. Strange, huh? And now I see that we are never done until we die.

I wish I had the courage to … tell the right person at the right moment exactly what I am thinking I want to do. I wish I had the courage to do what I feel I should be doing without feeling guilty for doing it.

If I could go back in time, I would … have demanded music lessons, art lessons, and dance lessons. I would have auditioned for dramas. I would have read more books meant for children and less of the books meant for adults. I would have read more literature, and less sensationalized, money-driven drivel.

Why were these things deferred? How would life be different if they had not been deferred? How can these things be actualized today? The lessons were deferred because there was no money or time. And I don’t think we realized that I could or should or would want to do those things. I wasn’t directed … And being DONE is deferred until God decides my time here is done. That’s out of my control. But I think I should be living as though I would be done tomorrow or in the next hour. I defer from discussing what I would like to be doing because I always feel like I am being deferred. Lol. How would things be different today if they hadn’t been deferred? I would be able to use my skills, talents and experience already. I would always have to be using them and improving upon them and learning new techniques, but I would already have a firm foundation to build upon. If I myself hadn’t been deferred, I hope that I would be consumed and challenged with amazing things for the glory of God instead of confused, distracted, angry and bored. And if I were done? Well, that is that. I cannot “actualize” being DONE today, but I can accept that I’m not done yet and that is not how the world works. And I can live differently. There is still little time or money, but some wonderful people have at least led me in the right direction for lessons in some areas. And I can do things without a degree in most instances. And I can choose to be open and talk about what I want to do or I can shut up, stop complaining, and do a lovely job of what I already have on my table.

I’m a lovely mess. Sorry. It’s fun. I never just allow myself to ramble … It’s actually kind of hard to not go back and fix it.

May the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
Psalm 19:14

The sons of Kenaz: Othniel and Seraiah; and the sons of Othniel: Hathath and Meonothai.

1 Chronicles 4:13 (ESV)

Hmmmm. Descendents of Judah …