Withholding

…We constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Thessalonians 1:11-12

Did I pray constantly? No. Did I pray? Yes. Did I pray well? The Lord doesn’t require fancy prayers. He’s just glad I’m trying.

I was able to verbally relay the change I’ve gone through in the last week alone. It is positive. A month or so ago, I was in the clutches of despair. I had no peace. And while I still have reservations about these two people I’ve begun with. I’ve been able to state my case sanely without malice, only concern.

So I will continue to pray for them, but I’ve chosen my next person.

This next person is a gateway to things that I would like to do. I asked to do something and she said no. And I’m offended. And I’m punishing her by withholding.

We talked about that yesterday too. There are two kinds of people: those that confront and those that withhold. I’m withholding. From many people. In theory, I am punishing them for hurting me. In reality, they have no idea that I’m doing it. And I’m actually punishing myself.

It reeks being so smart. Lol. Just a lack of common sense.

What I need to do is a better job of explaining what I wish to do and why without criticizing the efforts of what is already being done. I need to create a plan. And perhaps I need to share it with different people. And perhaps I just need to ask for it, and let them find someone they’d prefer to see it through.

And here’s the clincher. It’s no longer on my heart. I need to ask God for guidance. Should I let it go, or should I ask to be reconvicted? Either way, I will ask forgiveness for withholding my talents from many people in many ways. I will ask to be reignited and reengaged.

In the meantime, I wonder, if I were shorter, could I go farther? I know I wouldn’t have to stoop so much in caves. And I wouldn’t have to greet kids on my poor aching knees. I love my job because so many of us are of equal height. No one has to look up very much and no one has to look down. I can wear high heels without feeling like I’m being “snobbish”.

Do we choose our friends by the planes we occupy? Ooooo! I’m feeling a story there. Kind of like Flatlands. An excellent novel that does a fabulous job of explaining the various dimensions. Which, by the way, I love the “no” dimension of “me” WAY too much. Just joking.

‘So I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.’ But the master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant!’
Matthew 25:25-26a (ESV)