Learning to Forget Oneself

1.      Read the quote by Henri Nouwen on page 158. What are some of the signs that one of the following people might be struggling with “approval addiction”?

a.     A child

A child who always looks to a parent before making a choice; who lets the parent make the choices; who asks before doing anything; who shows a grownup every little thing that she does; who will read a book even if it does not interest her; who will make choices based upon what will make her parents happy.

b.     A teen

A teen who goes out of his way to fit in with the crowd; who chooses to tag along even as a mascot to the group; who joins in activities that don’t actually appeal to him; who tries to follow in a parent’s footsteps; who tries to excel in what his father excelled in; who becomes the teacher’s pet if his peers won’t accept him.

c.      An adult

An adult who takes a vote among her peers before making any decision; who seeks confirmation before doing anything;  who is more concerned with keeping everyone happy around her even if she is miserable; who will say “yes” to anything just for the chance to do something for another; who makes herself available for anything at anytime.

1 Corinthians 4:3-5 & Galatians 1:10

2.     How might your life change if you had the same attitude as the apostle Paul when it comes to being judged and criticized by other people?

I would not be at the mercy of the winds and the waves. I kid you not. I try to explain this and people don’t believe me. I thought this would be more prevalent … I would have thought I wouldn’t be alone in this.

I could be a having a perfectly productive, brilliant day. I am chugging along, thinking I’m doing a beneficial thing. Then someone frowns at me. All of a sudden, life is not worth living. What did I do? What did they discover? Why don’t they like me?

I used to combat this with a smile. I just tricked everyone else into smiling. I smile first, they have to smile back. It is contagious - few can resist. I made it my research project.

If you follow this blog at all, you might remember that I mentioned that someone took my smile away. They discredited it. They said it couldn’t always be real. That it was okay not to smile. It was okay to be sad.

If I suffered from an ounce of paranoia before, now I have it in gallons.

Of course, all this means is that I live like it is all about me. That I am the sun and you are the planets. Okay, honesty – I am the super, mega galaxy and you are my stars. And if you don’t agree, well black hole. But if you support me – supernova! (hmmm, I like this. Astronomy was always one of my things …)

Anyway, if I could live like other people’s opinions didn’t matter to me? WOW! It might be like receiving a keel. And having my rudder returned. And really that is freedom right there. Then I just have to add Jesus into the equation. Do it for Him. There’s always a catch ;)

Why is it so hard to maintain this kind of attitude day in and day out?

For me … I get side-tracked so easily. I have knee-jerk responses. I’m not prepared. I’m missing my armor … And little things can throw me for a loop. I handle big things well though.

You know, what's best … when you get the wind knocked out of you and you can no longer think about yourself, and can only dwell on damage control. Auto-pilot is on. And auto-pilot cannot worry about what everyone else is thinking.

“In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33b (NIV)