Send me PLEASE?

1 Samuel 3:1-10

1.      Tell about a time when God was speaking to you and trying to get your attention, but it took a long time for you to tune in and realize God was seeking to move you.

It's very hard to talk about this because I still don't have the answer. And to even put it out there … I'm a librarian. I have my Masters in Library and Information Science. So I tend to think of myself as a librarian and nothing else. But that is not true. Librarianship is just a career that makes use of my many gifts and talents and so it is a good fit. It is just not the only possible fit and I need to see outside of that.

I had been lamenting the fact that the church didn't have a library and didn't need a librarian because I would LOVE that. LOVE that! I just assumed that because I didn't have lovely DCE degree, or wasn't a man so I couldn't preach, that I was simply out of luck. NO, I don't want to go back to school. Or maybe I do, but don't see it as a possibility.

Through various ways, God was trying to show me that there were plenty of opportunities for me to work for the His church. He was calling me. He was asking me what I was willing to give up to serve Him. I answered Him, but I still do not have a handle on the big picture. When there are so many things you're willing to do and want to do and perhaps need to do. I just have to find the place where I can do them …

What finally got your attention and helped you recognize that God was speaking to you?

The baseball bat. He had been putting things in front of me all along. I was just laughing at them as ridiculous and impossible. When I finally decided it might make perfect sense … well, I think it was too late.

2.     John tells the story of how God spoke to him on a number of occasions through a dear woman named Lorraine. Tell about a time you heard God speak to you through the words of another person.

I wish people wouldn't say things unless they meant it. That's not fair. People say a lot of things, but since they aren't things you can actually act on, they're better off left unsaid?

For instance, somebody told me, "Don't be offended, please, but I think you missed your calling. You should have been an actress." What is one supposed to do with that? I just took it as a compliment that I was doing a good job at what I had been doing when it was said. I also told myself that it was a good thing I hadn't followed a dream to Hollywood. Who knows who I would most resemble now … Lindsay Lohan? No, that was never a dream of mine. And not that there aren't a lot of opportunities for acting locally. Just not something I ever considered.

I have people telling me that I should write. As if it is that easy … And what all would I give up in order to do that. And will I be okay if nothing ever gets published? Will I not regret my time spent writing something that never gets beyond me?

Is God speaking through these people? Everyone seems to have a theory about what I should be doing. Except for me. I'm unfulfilled and lost.

How did you respond to this leading or prompting?

I don't. Or it is half-@$$ed. I don't put my whole self into it. Which must not please God very much. He doesn't care what I choose to do as long as I do it. So I choose to let other people choose for me whether it brings me joy or not.

I previously posted as my status that I do not like to be micromanaged. That must be a lie. Tell me what you think I should do and I'll try it out. I don't dare ask to do what I really want to do. You might say no and break my heart again. And there are so many things that I would like to do … I'm just too scared to admit it … 'cause you might say "no" again.

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
“Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?”
And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
Isaiah 6:8 (NIV)