Fear

On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
Psalm 91:12 (ESV)

I am like a lamb led to the slaughter. And sheep are SO stupid.

Anyway, halfway through and I better try an easy one today. Oh, there’s a good and appropriate one.

I’m sure you’ve all been in this (life)boat. You work hard. You learn and you earn. Everything seems to be going your way until ROADBLOCK. You don’t see it coming. Who does? And you have to start over.

But from that point, nothing seems to work in your favor. You haven’t changed. You’re still the same person with the same education, background, experience, but now it’s no longer enough. Or it’s no longer the right ones. You still work hard and do your best, but it no longer seems to matter.

You might have a lot of supporters and you still have the “love”, just not from the people in power or the people with connections. If anything, you’ve ended up on the wrong side of the fence somehow. And it doesn’t matter how good your intentions are or how great you are or how many people would love for you to go far, there is one person who always seems to stand in your way. And they’re simply not impressed.

At some point you just quit trying. You just give up. You just give in. And they win. Unfortunately, they don’t even realize it. If anything, you’ve just reinforced their opinion.

Today is about anger, fear, distrust and anxiety. I’ve been paralyzed by them. It’s not all that cut and dried. More has happened to me in the last almost 7 years than I’m really willing to acknowledge. I like to pretend that everything’s fine. Perhaps if I was more willing to accept that I’m a bit traumatized, I could work through it. Perhaps baby steps. I might need to try to grow, change, and expand in a safe environment. Anyone know of one?

I’ve realized that I’ve been acting like a child rather than a professional. You know, since being a professional didn’t help at all. And I’m discovering that those around me have much healthier relationships with the people they can and do choose to interact with. I’m playing it safe. I’m protecting myself. I’m letting them come to me. And that will lead to a dull existence.

So I pray that I can treat others with love and respect regardless of how I am treated. And try to be the first person to offer a word of encouragement. To get to know people like I try to know my books. People are more important anyway.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:14-21 (ESV)

How could I possibly choose? It’s all good and pertinent!