Appropriate Smallness

Let me start off by admitting that I don’t feel I deserve to continue into this chapter. When I was reading about the Discipline of Joy, I really got into it and really tried (not trained) to keep it in mind. I trained hard to turn my depression around to joy when necessary.

When I was reading about the Discipline of Slowing down, I really paid attention to it and worked on slowing down throughout my day. I was thriving on the joy-filled slowing down.

But I’ve missed the boat with the Discipline of Prayer. I have yet to set aside a time and a place to pray for 5 minutes. In the morning, I always still have one more thing I could get done in those 5 minutes. And in the evening, I am always too tired to concentrate. I fill up my day with a multitude of things to do, but prayer is not one of them.

So I feel that I didn’t deserve to move on to the Discipline of Humility. I would beg anyone out there, to pray for me in my attempt, or lack of attempt, to find a time to pray. There is still a bit of me that doesn’t feel I deserve to go to God in prayer. That He won’t listen to me because I do not deserve His grace or mercy – which is of course all about me and my worth and not about Jesus and His sacrifice.

Perhaps it is appropriate that I dive into Humility … Perhaps I’m still expecting too much of myself.

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance,
that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners,
of whom I am the foremost.
But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost,
Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those
who were to believe in him for eternal life.
1 Timothy 1:15-16 (ESV)