I hadn't realized

1.     How have you seen prayer used as a last resort and a desperate "Hail Mary" pass at the end of the game?

I mentioned before that often, when I’ve been hurt and my response has been anger, I often fall to my knees and cry out. That is exactly what it is. I throw up my arms in defeat. I give up. And then I begin my senseless, wordless, sobbing prayers. Usually, by this point, it is too far gone to begin honest, straightforward, working, common sensical prayers. There is no organization, logic, reason, facts. Only desperation. If I had been praying all along, when I was coherent and reasoning, I might have found a much different path.

2.    Tell about a time you were forced to your knees in prayer because you realized you had nowhere else to go.

At the time, in my mind, everything was lost. Everything I had worked so hard for. Everything I had built up. Everything I had planned for. The safety net was gone. All of the suffering I had been through, all the time spent alone, and all the time I had held the fort down in anticipation of better days had all been for nothing.

I was trying to wrap my mind around the idea that I would not have a home, let alone a house. I was not going to have transportation. I was not going to be able to afford the basics let alone anything in addition. Not only that, but everything I did have, might very well be taken away.

And I never saw it coming. It wasn’t like I had time to understand it. It wasn’t like it had been a possibility on the horizon to plan for. Just one day, the future, as I had known it to be, was gone.

What happened once you hit your knees and began praying?

I couldn’t sleep. And I talked to God. I was curled up in a ball in a recliner with my book. But I couldn’t read either. My mind had room for nothing else, but sorrow and loss and insecurity and fright. And I said, “what can I do?”

Well, I didn’t say it was a good prayer.

I believe God answered me with something that I could do. And I did it immediately and within the week, I knew that I wasn’t going to be allowed to do it. It wasn’t God’s will. I wasn’t supposed to do anything. God took care of it all – in the most amazing, unbelievable ways. And I never even had to lift a finger. All that was required of me was to continue to maintain the fort in anticipation of better days …

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:17-18 (ESV)