I think I have alluded to the fact before that prayer is not my thing. In fact, I had thought that prayer would be an excellent spiritual discipline to begin training in, until I found joy. I'm so much better at joy you see.
Part of it is that I really detest praying out loud in front of people. And I have been training myself out of that problem and have gotten much better at it. My solution was leading the children in prayer. Even better – echo prayers because they give you an opportunity to think ahead because you pray in chunks.
I'm also a perfectionist. Yes, really. Who would have guessed, right? I don't like stutters and filler sounds. And I love language. I like to change words and use lesser used words. Well, I just plain make it harder upon myself don’t I?
I loved when I had the opportunity to learn the ACTS prayer. Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving and Supplication. But really, for me, I need the opportunity to write it out to make sure I don't forget. Or if you're taking prayer requests? Writing them down and putting them in the appropriate column and then filling in the columns that are empty. Usually Adoration and Confession. See? I make it a chore.
And I haven't even begun to talk about praying to myself in my head. Just me and God. I'm an utter failure. This book helps as it reinforces the fact that I'm not the only one to struggle. My mind wanders. I talk to everyone in my own head except God. In fact, one of my prayers is that God just pretends that He's the one I'm addressing.
Another favorite fall back is say, "Hey God, you know what I need better than I do. Can we just skip to you taking care of business for me?"
I'm just not very good at it. And it's not at the forefront of my mind. I try to never say, "I'll pray for you," 'cause I at least realize that that is unrealistic. When someone asks me to pray for them, I say yes out of habit. Kind of like people say I'm fine even if they are not really. It's almost like it is a standard greeting, blessing, reply or condolence. You're expected to say it. And who can hold you accountable, other than God that is.
So, I'm thrilled with the fact that this book is taking baby steps. Start with setting 5 minutes aside for prayer. And begin with a "simple prayer." Pray about what really concerns you. Pray about what is really on your mind. Don't attempt to pray for the things you think you are supposed to pray for. Don't try to be noble. Don't go for big and flamboyant and selfless. If your mind strays, go with what it strays to.
This makes it seem doable. Definitely.
First problem. Where are those 5 minutes going to come from. I notice right off that I even try to multitask my prayers. I'll pray WHILE I run. I'll pray WHILE I shower. I'll pray WHILE I drive. I'll pray WHILE I cook. This is not acceptable.
So maybe I should start by finding the place to pray. I certainly can't get up and leave for the Pine Forest, at least not for 5 minutes of prayer. I also cannot disturb the dog because he will disturb my 5 minutes. Usually, Cordy joins me in MY bed, so I'm thinking I could go to her room to pray. Sit on her bed and look out the window. She has a lovely view really of the backyard. I've gone in there before to read and it seems to work.
Check. Now time. Morning seems the best time. Should I get up earlier to do it before I run? I won't be awake yet. Hmmm not looking doable. Once I leave the second floor, there is no return.
Basement bedroom? I've gone there before for uninterrupted prayer. After my run, before my coffee, before I read? Sounds like I'm hurrying now … I don't want to fit too much in.
OK, after I take the girls to school … I have half an hour. But then I'm back to where. In the parking lot sounds icky. I'll have to find a place to stop along the way. The LSA grounds can be pretty, but lots of traffic in the a.m.
From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!" He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
2 Kings 2:23-24 (NIV)
How neat to hear someone, busy, mom..etc. struggling to get daily prayer in. If I may share what I've learned over the last several years, Learned, but didn't implement until this last year. It has worked wonders for my life $ amazingly comforted me with the struggles I have been presented. I was raised Catholic, but my mom was pentecostal so I have a very diverse background of religion. I have great respect for the tradition of catholic relegion & prayer, but it sounds like you... the repeated out loud prayers didnot seem to bring me closer to God. I have found more spirituality in the other religion. I learned that there are 2 types of prayer
ReplyDelete1. Our requests - Prayer & 2. God's requests for us -Meditation (where we need to listen)
For me, before my feet touch floor..Cause as you know... Then IT"S ON!..lol I lay there & pray my requests to God. With anything I pray, I start off by telling God I understand, What ever YOUR WILL FOR ME today. Please give me disernment, keep me safe from any bad habits or actions, please let me be the best Christian woman I can be, and then I prayer for those who have caused me pain..that I may forgive them. I try not to pray for specific things, even though I let God know what I want, because I again realize What ever's God's will for me is what I need to Accept.
"ACCEPTANCE, God's key to abundant living" And I'm here to tell you I struggle with that daily.
At night before I crawl into bed, I get down on my knees & thank God for another day, for getting me through the struggles and being a good christian, & if I failed in areas, I ask for forgiveness.
OK... here is the tricky one...Meditation.. Listening to God's will for us..
I luckily have a support group that meets once a week were we do this for 15 minutes while listening to music. And it's hard.. the first couple of times I found myself making walmart lists & kids duties.. etc. but now I've been able to quiet myself.
Alyssa the other times at home I try to meditate.. I read Daily affirmation books & meditate...don't get creeped out.. Yes "THE LIBRARY" & since you know I'm not rich.. you know where the library is.. It has a lock on the door, so I utilize that special time every morning. And can get about 5 minutes of meditation time there with my readings.
Not sure if this was anything you wanted posted, but when I'm able to share the tools that have been given to me to get through heartache, pain, & trails of daily life, it gives me a reprieve. When I meditated this is what God asks of me, I actually heard him "I have removed you from your comfort zone, from bondage of material goods, & given you trial so that you may have empathy and understanding, and desire to help others." When I follow His will & have Let Go-Let God
I have been happy. Hope you don't think I'm a freak..lol
Sincerely, Diane
Ps. My "LET GO. LET GOD" has been an excellent prayer that I have had to use almost daily recently, I posted on FB & got so many responses from people.. If you didn't see it.. I'd love to post it for you. It's awesome.