1. What causes an artist to be defensive? It is hard to make something out of nothing, something that comes from your own heart, and put it out for others to hold and see and hear and read. You are giving a part of yourself away. If they have good things to say about it, they are good things about you. If they have bad things to say about it, they are bad things about you. We want to protect ourselves from that.
2. Why is defensiveness such a blind spot for artists? When you’re always defending yourself and your work, you forget you are even doing it. You stop listening to what others say and start preparing your rebuttable. You anticipate bad, but never good. Oh my gosh! That’s it! That’s why I get so anxious. I’m scared to death to hear bad and I’m always expecting it! I never expect to hear good.
3. Can you think of someone who takes criticism well or responds to suggestions with grace? What do you notice about the way this person handles those kinds of things? Um, no. I know people who are really good at asking for help or advice and are very receptive to hearing it when they’ve asked. Why just yesterday we had to discuss how to handle a newly self-published author because we didn’t want to crush them. We are anticipating their defensiveness.
4. Have you known any defensive people in your life? How did their defensiveness affect you? Quite a few actually. Insert laugh. You never want to talk to them. You never want to help them. You never want to correct them even though they need to be corrected to avoid further critique. I especially avoid people who take it to the next level and turn your criticisms around back on you. They make it sound like it’s your fault even if you didn’t blame them for anything.
5. Have you ever felt offended by someone and found out later that they didn’t mean to hurt you? What did you learn from that? All the time! In this day and age, it is especially hard to determine what emotions follow what words. Through email and texting, you lose all of the body language as well as most of the explanatory language. We’re reduced to the bare minimum. And I am so very good at reading paragraphs into single words. I’m so easily offended by what someone could have meant. And even more offended by receiving no response. That’s like saying I’m not worthy of their time.
6. What should artists do if they disagree with someone’s review of their work? They should review the review and look for an ounce of truth in it. When critiquing an artist, one should always start with a positive note no matter how little it is before giving the negatives. An artist needs to do the same. And you can always keep the work for yourself or give it to someone who likes it. Or keep it for another time. Or work and work and work some more on it. If you’re a perfectionist ;) there is always something more that can be done …
7. What prevents most people from being quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger? We don’t have time. We don’t have time to listen. We don’t have time to ruminate. We barely have time to create within time constraints. We are diminished to appointments rather than conversations. And if you’ve already spent a great deal of time, it is hard to see more time put into it. We need instant yeses.
8. Why are artists afraid to fail? If you define yourself by your art or work, what’s left when you don’t succeed? If it turns out that you aren’t good enough, what’s left? I’d rather not be an artist. If everyone expects art from me and I cannot produce it, I need something else to fall back on. You have to live for your art or not at all. It has to be bigger than the opportunity to fail.
9. As a team, come up with your own list of ground rules for critiquing. Post them somewhere for all to see. If I were to make a list for someone when critiquing me … I know I can be defensive. My number one point would be that you have to have a relationship with me. And you have to trust me. And I have to trust you. Then I will know that what you have to say is for me because you love me. And not because you wish to hurt me. If you don’t have the time of day to know me, then why would I give you the time of day to know my work. If you only know your impression of me, all I will hear is your impression of my work and that’s an opinion. And this is for me. How can I possibly be critical or judgmental of a person, if I’m not willing to know them more than as another face in the crowd.
10. Does your team haven an “elephant in the room”? Are there any problems that are big and obvious, such as defensiveness, but no one dares to talk about them? How can your team enter into a healthy discussion about those kinds of issues? I think there are big obvious problems, but I’m not a part of the team so it is not my right. I have to assume that they’re acknowledged and will be taken care of. I really wonder. I’m supposing they’re not. We’re in denial. We’re all pussy-footing. We’re all saving the problems to get to later. Great! Sarcasm dripping.
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger: for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
James 1:19 (ESV)
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