Looking for Jesus

Last night and this morning, I caught myself thinking, “I really don’t have the time in the morning to devote to writing the blog. And my computer is slowing me down. Would it really be so bad if I read another chapter? Okay, I know! I’ll read a chapter of a DIFFERENT book. I’ve got four sitting by my place at the dining table … calling to me … begging me to get started. It really would be a better use of my ‘devotional’ time.”

Seriously.

Exodus 3:11-15 and 4:1-17

1.     How does God respond to each of Moses’ efforts to avoid this calling for his life?

Who shall I tell them sent me?

I AM WHO I AM

I AM has sent you

The God of your Fathers

They won’t believe me

Your staff will be a sign

Your leprous hand will be a sign

Water from the Nile will be made blood as a sign

I’m not eloquent

Who made you? I made you!

I will be with you and teach you

Please send someone else

(angrily)

Don’t you have a brother who can speak well?

He will speak for you and I will be with you both and teach you

God has ALL the answers

2.    Describe a time you felt a deep desire to see God transform your life so that you would “morph” and become more of who God wants you to be. How is this desire becoming a reality?

I don’t remember all of the particulars, but for some reason I had decided to step out of my comfort zone. Within days of my decision, I received a phone call from church asking if I’d be willing to give my testimonial. Now, it wasn’t called that. If it had been, I might have turned and run.

The task was to meet with a pastor and then speak at a few of our worship services. It might have been 4. And I didn’t let myself think about it. I just said yes.

Meeting with the pastor was amazing. He told me exactly what we were focusing on that weekend and what they wanted from me. It was very plain to me how my current “story” fit into the “theme”. It wasn’t like pulling teeth. It was natural.

Knowing that you can only experience your own story and that you are not always allowed even a glimpse of another person’s story, I prayed that what I said would be received well and might touch someone. I prayed that the theme would be reinforced by my story. I might have asked that I be given a little inkling of its reception, but acknowledged that it wasn’t important.

I hate to say it, but I don’t think I’ve ever felt so alive. I’d give just about anything to do it again. And that was just while I was doing it. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in a way I couldn’t have expected. I loved talking to the congregation and making eye contact with them. I enjoyed adlibbing as seemed appropriate. I knew my own story so well, that I didn’t really need my cheat sheet.

Afterwards, well the reception was unbelievable. I had prayed that it would touch hearts and I received confirmation that it did.

Talking with a friend we recognized that maybe here was something new that I’d never considered before …

Did it become a reality? Um, no. In the end I really didn’t know what to do with myself. I did ask to be a part of VBS in the opening and closing, but it’s not the same … I’ve become a character and not me. This is also fine. I think I need the opportunity to be a clown and not me. But they’re very conflicting end results. I guess I need to find a happy medium? Be myself, even when I’m hopelessly goofy?

3.    Tell about a person in your life who exemplifies the power of Jesus to bring beautiful and lasting change.

There is a story about a woman named Mabel in this chapter. Her story made me sob. She is blind, nearly deaf, bedridden, deformed by cancer and left mostly alone – for 25 years! And her thoughts entirely rest with Jesus. She has given her burden to Him and He has made her yoke light.

After I had time to absorb the story, horrible me thought, “If she was physically functional like myself, she’d be so busy with stuff, she would have no time to think on Jesus.” Excuses, excuses.

Who do I know like this? Right now, I’m not seeing much of Jesus in anyone. Certainly not in myself. People who try to live like Jesus do not hurt those around themselves - not even unintentionally. Especially the people spouting out their tried and true Bible standbys. Saying one thing. Doing something else entirely.

I’ll promise one thing. I will have an answer. I’m going to start LOOKING and stop EXPECTING. A friend provided this quote for me recently: “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments.”

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV)