Stuck, but pushing forward

1.      What are some of the possible implications for a person who decides to only try hard but never train?

Failure – which never feels good even if you gain experience through it. But people who train can also enjoy failure.

Embarrassment – for not being able to put your best foot forward.

Humiliation – for not being able to deliver what you promised.

No growth – from skipping the important part of training.

No learning – from all the possible tangents that training could lead you to.

Lose support – from those who back you or depend upon you when you repeatedly let them down.

False sense of accomplishment – if you do succeed, it won't necessarily be for the right reasons and you could mistakenly decide to put you on a pedestal with no foundation.

Insecurity – you could know yourself for a fraud. No confidence in what you do. Begins to feel like dumb luck.

2.     If we make personal spiritual advancement a legalistic program, how can this lead to guilt and sadness rather than joy?

In the book, the author describes a time when he chose to follow a devotional. He set a strict goal of finishing it in a year's time. When God directed him to turn aside and follow a new thought, his strict regimen prevented him from "turning aside." He was torn between following God and attaining his goal.

In this way, I am like the author. I set strict goals for myself. The goals become more important than the reason why I do them. I read a chapter a day. That is my goal. I hate myself when I forget or run out of time. I punish myself by reading two chapters the next day. And it is a rare occasion that I follow a thought whether I attribute it to God or something else.

In trying to break myself of this habit, at least in reading, I made a new goal that I honor above all else as well. I read a chapter and answer the questions in the study guide. I'm not allowed to move on until I finish all questions. Perhaps God was nudging me to read ahead to chapter 3 which I sorely needed, but chose not to because it was not in line with my goal. I missed the opportunity to experience a little joy ahead of schedule.

So I guilt myself for not reaching ridiculous human goals. I'm sad because there is no joy in them. I punish myself by sticking with them. Why can I not be a spontaneous soul that follows the winds?

3.     How have you found joy and peace during the times you have developed disciplines that train you for godliness?

I don't think I have ever developed a spiritual discipline for which I was training for godliness that gave me either peace or joy. Only ever strain. I think I am not understanding spiritual disciplines or training for godliness.

I don't know that I've ever felt peace. I just have always felt it wasn't in my nature.

I do feel joy in music, but I'm not seeing the training it that.

Am I being stubbornly stupid? Quite possibly. I'm being stubbornly depressed. I'm being stubbornly angst-ridden. I'm being stubbornly agitated. Don Miller once wrote something along the lines that he wanted to stay broken so that there would always be hope to be fixed.

If I say that I don't get it, then I won't have to work to change it and I can stay this way. I'm so good at being this way.

Maybe I can play blond. UGH!

4.     What are some of the signs that the wind of the Spirit is blowing and that you should raise your sails?

for me:

•   goose bumps when things are right or in sync
•      a feeling of being out of place
•      uncomfortable
•      feeling as though my skin cannot hold me
•      having an idea that I must share immediately
•      not being able to think about anything else
•      seeing someone (a key player) over and over and over
•      and the occasional baseball bat that I have to do something and I have to do it right now.

If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!

Luke 11:13 (NIV)